Yeah, yeah, I know I'm late again but as part of the celebrations of SoD's birthday this weekend I have had an exceedingly elderly and slightly batty lady relative staying with us. I am near breaking point so it is as well that she returns home today because one more day and I'm likely to end up at the Old Bailey! Honestly, my admiration for people who work in rest homes for the elderly knows no bounds. Anyway, this afternoon things should return to what passes for normality around here!
A elderly, white haired man from Ft. Lauderdale in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweller said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'
'I know,' said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
See.......Not All Seniors Are Senile!
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Every day, a male co-worker walks up and stands very
close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, he inhales a big breath of air
and tells the lady that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore so she goes to her supervisor
in the personnel department and states that she wants to make a sexual harassment complaint.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this and asks, what’s sexually
threatening about a co-worker telling you that your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Frank, the dwarf."
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Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise.
When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic.
He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.
On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"
Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
Ed said, "I bet it's because you're rolling your right wrist at impact."
That's your lot, it's time to get the old lady to the bus and I dare not risk her missing it!