You shouldn't really need cheering up on a lovely Spring morning like today but I suppose it's even more irritating when you're stuck in an office and can only gaze through a window and watch as we old pensioners amble along enjoying it!
Father O'Malley answers the phone.
'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the Internal Revenue Service. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
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A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with afrying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied ,'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket.'
The man said, 'When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
His wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
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I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women
talking at the bar. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"
One of them angrily screeched,
"It's Wales , Wales, you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales
from Scotland ?"
And that's the last thing I remember.