Word of the Week: Solutions
What if we went through life with someone lifting us up and over any bumps in the road? What if someone were there for us to solve our problems, struggles, dilemmas, hard times, or personal challenges? We would have a pretty hard time getting through life! We learn things from our obstacles; we develop the means by which we succeed by our working through of struggles.
Sometimes it’s tempting to want to do something or fix something for our children — to solve the problem for them and make their life all sunshine and roses. We might think we’re making it easier for them, but in fact we are making it more difficult. We’re not affording them the opportunity to grow and work things out in their own mind — to problem solve.
With all that said, it is very important to be encouraging to others going through an issue. As parents we can be very supportive without doing everything for our child. We can offer encouragement, motivation, and the feeling that you are there for your child. For instance we can pose questions such as “How would you handle this?” Rather than to say “This is how you should do this”. Listen without offering a solution. Help them make a list of pros and cons. Sometimes you might realize that the solution your child is making is probably not the best one… but it’s their solution at the moment. It’s a learning experience. It will teach them to navigate their way in life and to change direction if they need too.
As we learn from the parable of the emperor moth, we can have all the best intentions in trying to make life easier for another person… but it just may backfire in the end if they do not learn how to work through their own issues in life.
Struggle of the Emperor MothA man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On that day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. It just seemed to be stuck. Then the man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was the way of forcing fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health.
*Of course situations may arise that DO require your interference such as issues of safety, bullying, abuse (physical or substance), or poor grades. Being an advocate for your child or a friend is very important in certain circumstances. Seeking outside assistance is required in harmful scenarios.