Women were told in the 1970s and 1980s that they could “have it all.” They could have a great career where they make important decisions and have all of the accoutrements: A nice office, lattes on demand, an assistant that took care of the minor tasks, and travel to interesting meetings where they fly business class and stay in nice hotels. They could also have a beautiful, clean home with a loving husband and children whom they could teach and nurture into fine adults. She would also have time off as needed to recharge and see the world.
Many quickly learned that the idea of “having it all” was an illusion. Instead, they found themselves doing it all. Getting up early to face a long commute into the office. A long day full of spreadsheets and paperwork for demanding bosses. Meetings that drag on. Then needing to rush off in the early afternoon to pick up the kids and spend the afternoon on homework and kid’s activities. After that there is a quick run to the store and stopping off the get take-out (because there is no time to cook), then more homework, baths, some cleaning, then finally off to bed to sleep and be ready to do it again the next day. Weekends are filled with more kid’s activities, housecleaning, more shopping, and maybe an hour or two to read a book or watch a show (or scroll mindlessly on her phone).
Today we’re going to do an analysis on where work life and home life have gone since women have gone from being homemakers to 8 to 5 workers. How has the work shifted and why is she “doing it all” now? What has happened with income and has her life and her family’s life improved? What is the perspective of men and why may many not help out more? Is there a better way to have less work and more time to relax and enjoy life?
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This is not meant to be a Man vs. Woman debate
Obviously, this can be a contentious subject and there is a lot of debate. This article is not meant to propose any opinion or assign blame to men or women. It is also not an indictment of feminism. The goal is to provide a logical analysis of where we were, where we are, and why we got here. It is an analysis of the system that existed pre-1960 and that of today, with both an economic and workload evaluation of both systems. We’ll also look at choices that can be made on how to split responsibilities and the kind of lifestyle that will result from those choices.
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The pre 1970’s System
We’ll refer to the system before 1970 or 1980 as the “traditional system” and that since then as the “modern system.” In the traditional system, a woman would live at home until she was married, then go straight to life with her husband. She would learn homemaking from her mother and grandmother and do her share of the housework from the time she was near adulthood until she was married. She would typically get married by what would be considered a young age today – 18 to 21, and typically to an older man of 26 to 30.
Most of her work would be directly for the family. This would include doing most or all of the housework, cooking, and care for the children. The home and children would be her domain and her responsibility. She might also do other activities as both hobbies and to generate necessities for the family, including gardening and canning, making bread and cheese, making preserves and wine, sewing, knitting/crocheting, and quilting. She was also often the social director of the home, making arrangements for visitors and parties and serving as the hostess. In the community she was often involved with church and charity, particularly as the children got older and she was needed less at home.
The man was expected to earn most or all of the income for the family. While the wife worked and provided things for the family directly, the husband worked a job or ran a farm/business and brought in money to buy resources the family could not generate directly. He would usually spend at least 40 hours per week at a job, although 45 to 60 hours was common and typically needed to move up to high salaries and higher positions. If more money was needed, he might take a second job. He would also need to commute and fight traffic, was sometimes exposed to dangerous conditions and doing heavy physical labor (especially when starting out).
The husband would also typically do the yard work such as mowing, trimming, cutting hedges and trees, raking leaves, fertilizing plant and weeding beds. If there were a pool, the husband would typically take care of it, including cleaning and adding dangerous chemicals. He would also do home, appliance, and car repair and maintenance, although some of these jobs might be hired out. He might also do home improvements such as adding rooms and bathroom upgrades, as well as regular upkeep like painting and cleaning the walks and driveway. Basically anything that was more dangerous or required strength.
The wife and the husband working together toward common goals was critical to the success of both. By taking care of the home and children, the wife allowed the husband to focus on work and maintaining the home. He could stay late and be flexible, take work home when needed and work in the evenings, do activities like training and travel to advance in his career, and sometimes work with customers on the phone during evenings and weekends. Likewise, by taking care of providing resources and maintaining the home and transportation, the husband freed his wife up to raise the children well and create a warm and welcoming home. The man got farther in his career while still having children and a nice home life. This would also allow more home tasks to be hired out, such as cleaning and yardwork. It would also allow for more amenities such as a larger home, better supplies, additional cars, boats, and other luxury items.
The woman got protection and shelter and had everything paid for so she didn’t need to worry about providing the necessities beyond the things she provided through her efforts. She was therefore able to be there for the children (and have experiences with them) and make the home a wonderful place in which for them all to live, with homemade meals, fresh bread, garden vegetables, homemade jams and jellies, homemade quilts, and sparkling floors and well decorated interiors. Both the husband and the wife could reach their pinnacles in what they produced because they could each concentrate on their work with the support of the other.
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Life is always busy, but by dividing up tasks, both husband and wife were able to get most things done during the day. This means that they had more time to enjoy together during the evenings and on weekends. Sometimes the husband might need to work late or go in on a Saturday. (There might be a call once in a great while, but calling someone at home was only done in extreme circumstances.) Sometimes there were things to get done in the evenings, but because the wife had all day to work on the home, the majority of things were done by the time dinner was done and dishes put away.
The modern system
In the modern system, everyone works. Because many jobs that don’t require manual labor require a college degree, men and women typically attend college (with a greater percentage of women attending than men). Men and women then have a career where they work 8 to 10 hours per day outside of the home. Both then provide resources for the household from work income. Because they both now each have an income, however, the situation often becomes like a cross between roommates and a socialist society. Each will be responsible for some of the bills from “their income,” but if one makes a higher income (frequently the man), he/she will be responsible for more of the bills.
Family incomes are often higher, now that both spouses are working. Costs are also higher, however, so the net income is often the same as it was or lower. This is especially true if paying for childcare is needed. There are some items that can be seen as better – such as having two cars or eating out more – but they are also necessary because of the work requirements and less time available. In general there is more numerical wealth but less time.
Because women tend to choose men who make a higher income and because of time out of the workplace to have children and recover from having children, as well as time out when the children are young, the woman will typically make less than the husband and therefore his career will often take precedence over her career. She will often therefore be the one who picks up the kids from school or stays out with them when they are sick. (COVID shutdowns and remote work options created from it, where many worked from home, provided more flexibility here, but many people were less productive because they were splitting their time between work and childcare as well as household chores). As a result, women will rarely get as far in their career as men do, although some mens’ careers are suffering as well as they take on more of these responsibilities and share the load.
Because both men and women are working fulltime, time with children and home life often suffer. There are a lot more processed foods that are bought frozen and a lot more meals that are take-out or eaten out just for subsistence rather than pleasure. Kids may be in extended school programs or left alone because parents are working. Evenings often involve errands and shopping for supplies. Homes are often less clean and comfortable and with weekend spent cleaning and doing housework (similar to how the husband in the traditional system would do yardwork and home maintenance on the weekends).
While some families are splitting the load of the housework and the things the wife would do in the traditional system, women are still finding that they are doing a majority (or all) of the housework and care for the children. They rightfully feel that this is not fair since they are both working, especially if they are both working about the same number of hours and the husband is generally free while the wife is doing housework.
But, then again, the husband is doing the same amount of work his grandfather would have done. The wife is now doing 32-40 hours or office work plus doing a commute her grandmother never did. This means she has 40-45+ more hours of work each week than her grandmother did if she also does all of the housework and childcare.
Why the wife is often doing more of the work with the modern system
If you were to have never seen traditional roles and walked into a modern home, you would probably see the woman working plus doing most of the housework and childcare and feel the situation was unfair. You would be right that the load was not balanced and fair. But looking at the transition from the traditional system to the modern system, you can see how this happened and also realize it isn’t as unreasonable as it would appear without the background.
Looking at what men did back before 1970 and what those who do little housework do today, their workload probably hasn’t changed much. They are doing all that a man from those times would have done. Some men in the past, no doubt, helped out more with the housework and children than others, as is still the case today. But because they were at home all day and had the time to do the housework, women would have done most or all of this work. Once the couple had children the woman’s most important duty would have been to make sure the child was safe and had what he/she needed, but because there was times when the child didn’t need attention, she would also take care of things like laundry and cooking or run errands.
The man in the past was expected to focus on career and work extra hours there to get ahead. He was really doing what he should be doing to maximize his role and optimize his performance as the provider. He would also have taken care of the things around the house that were more dangerous, dirty, required strength, or were more mechanical in nature. This would include most of the yardwork, repairs, and maintenance of the home and appliances/vehicles.
Having the man focus on his work and career made sense for the family. If he were to leave early to pick up the kids from school or come to work exhausted from doing a lot of housework, he would not advance as far at work and not attain the salary he could. Your employer doesn’t benefit from employees leaving early to take care of children. Employees who have more flexibility to cover what is needed at work and have more drive and focus there will do better than those who don’t. Note, this is true for both men and women, so a woman who puts her work first will likely go farther and get a higher position and salary. A business owner will also make more money and be able to grow the business larger with more well directed effort.
In the traditional system the work of the man and the woman was relatively balanced. At least, most couples considered what each did and received was a reasonable trade. Today, because the wife is working a job, she is not around the home to do a lot of the chores there. The man is doing just as much as he always did and no more. Because the woman is working a job, she has added 40+ hours of work and commuting to her life. She will be doing more work than her husband if she also still does all of the housework and takes care of the children. So, because the wife is working, there is now more work to do if the old standard for the home and kids were maintained.
So, the wife thinks, “Things should be equal. Because we both work jobs, we should split the work done at home.” This sounds reasonable on its face.
But if the man agrees to split the home work and childcare equally, he will either be doing more total work that he would have traditionally or reducing how much he does in his career (which will reduce how far he advances and his future earnings). If he doesn’t split the housework, it means that women will now be doing a lot more work than before, both working a job and doing all of the housework and childcare. This will affect her career and also not allow her to do as good a job with the home or childcare as she would be able to do if she were not working a job.
In many cases, the woman still takes on well over half of the housework and work raising the kids. Either because the man simply refuses to do extra or because she feels she needs to because she has decided to work a job. This is more work than anyone can do because there just isn’t enough time and energy. She just can’t do everything and do it well. She won’t go as far in her work, the family’s home life would be less nice, the children will get less attention and support, or a combination of the three will result.
Male Perspectives
Most men are supportive of their wives working if that is what they want to do. But strictly from the man’s perspective, he is seeing his situation lessoned in the modern system from where he would have been in a traditional system. He is still putting in the work he would have, but now because his wife is working rather than having the time to focus on the children and the home, she is not doing the same amount of direct work that she would have done. She simply cannot because she is working most of the day, commuting, and doing other things for her employment. Where before things were considered balanced or at least “fair,” he now is expected to put in even more work than he would have before.
Before his family would have gotten 100% of her labor. Now, a lot of that labor is being done for others in a job. She does now bring home a salary, but they need to pay taxes on her salary (where work she did directly was not taxed), plus there are costs associated with her working, so some of her time spent at work is simply lost. They can trade some of the extra money to pay for services she would have done, but the cost will be higher (in terms of hours of work the couple must provide to cover them) than she would have spent doing them if she worked directly for the family. Also, there are many things like home-cooked meals and care for children by a loving family member that simply cannot be hired out. These are usually just lost because everyone is too busy.
If the man now steps up and does an equal share of the housework, he is now doing all that he did before with his job and the yardwork and home maintenance (traditional male duties), plus he is doing additional work he wouldn’t have needed to do before around the home. It is also possible that he will not be able to focus on his work as much as before because he is tired and preoccupied. This can mean he may not get as far in his career as he would have before. If he is heavily involved in things like childcare, he may also not be able to do things like travel for work or take positions that require he work extra time, so his career might be further limited. It would be basically impossible for a man who is in a role like CEO or that required a significant amount of travel to also take care of half of the housework and childcare.
The man may therefore decide it is better to focus on his career. He might also decide that he is already doing his part by doing his job and taking care of the traditional male duties around the house. He is fine with his wife working if that is what she desires to do, but he is not going to take on extra work because of it. From his perspective, she has the option to stop working and just focus on the home and children. Working and thereby having extra work to do is her choice.
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Female Perspectives
Some women work because they feel it is the only way for the family to have enough income to pay for necessities. In some cases this may be true. Note that salaries have declined since the days when the traditional system was in place in part because there are now more people working. More workers results in lower salaries since there is more supply of workers and also because two people are working in a household can accept lower salaries than when only one is working. This means that salaries are lower than they were in the past, making it harder to go back to the old system.
Many women choose to work, however, because they feel that their work in a job is more important than homemaking and childcare. They find respect from working in a career that they don’t feel working at home. They want to be in the spotlight and making their own achievements rather than supporting a husband in making his. They may also simply not like homemaking and would rather be doing other things with their lives. They might find it boring, mundane, and repetitive. People they meet reinforce this idea by saying, “Oh, you’re just a housewife….”
There is also the perfectly valid desire to have options and not be fully reliant on the man for income and support. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships can feel trapped if they do not have the skills needed to earn the income needed to make it on their own. Certainly, if she never learned any skills useful for the workplace or her skills have atrophied through lack of use, she would find it difficult to get a good paying job outside of the home. This is especially true if she needs to leave a man and has kids to support with her. Of course, trying to work a job while supporting kids alone is difficult regardless of the skills you have. They may also want options in case something happens to their husband where he is no longer able or desires to support them.
Analysis of alternatives
Back to Tradition: The first option would be for a family to just choose the traditional path with the man working and the woman taking care of the home and the kids. Unless the wife is able to make a significant salary, this will be the optimal path. By having her full support, the husband will be able to focus on career and maximize his earnings. He can also take on a second job if more income is needed.
By having expenses covered and all the resources she needs, the wife will be able to devote her time to the kids. Because the kids won’t need her full time, she will also be able to make the home nice, cook meals, and do other tasks for the family. If she enjoys this role, this is probably the best path even though total work income will be lower, especially starting out. (Realize though that all of the work she does for the family will not be taxed and there will be no profit paid to someone else to provide the services, maximizing the income from her work.) Costs will also be lower, income can be built up over time, and if enough people choose this path, salaries in general will rise.
Swapped traditional: Another possibility would be for the wife to work and the husband to take care of the kids and the home. This is a good option if she is able to earn the higher salary. In this case, they may hire out some tasks that a wife would do and then take on some tasks that a family with the wife staying home would have hired out. For example, he might do car maintenance and plumbing himself, but they may hire out deep cleaning or laundry. This has the benefits of the traditional system. The only shortcoming is that the wife will still need time to recover after the pregnancies, which can affect her career, and breastfeeding may be an issue.
Both work and split all work at home: This is the option many families choose today, the modern system. This option results in the most work being done, which could result in more money being made. More total hours are spent working than with the traditional systems since an extra 8 to 10 hours of work per day is done by the wife. The hours spent working a job may be reduced since childcare must be covered, and also neither person will be able to maximize their career, so income for both could be lowered. Because of this, the total income might not be that much more than it would be with one working, and net income could well be lower when costs of having two workers is factored in.
Work can be lowered if tasks are hired out. Eating out or getting take-out is one way cooking is hired out. Families may also hire a housecleaner, nanny, or other services. Because the money earned at work is taxed, and then each person providing a service must make enough to pay for their own expenses and get a profit, this is an economically inefficient way to get these services. If both husband and wife can make a lot at their jobs, however, such that they make a lot more per hour working than the cost of services, this might be the optimal option.
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Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to give financial planning advice, it gives information on a specific investment strategy and picking stocks. It is not a solicitation to buy or sell stocks or any security. Financial planning advice should be sought from a certified financial planner, which the author is not. All investments involve risk and the reader as urged to consider risks carefully and seek the advice of experts if needed before investing.