Remy Kelvin
Passionate love is defined as a state of intense longing for union with another. Passionate lovers are absorbed in one another, feel ecstatic at attaining their partner's love, and are disconsolate on losing it.
Love Associated with Negative and Positive Feelings
Passionate love is emotional. exciting and intense. If reciprocated, one feels fulfilled and joyous; if not, one feels empty or despairing. Like other forms of emotional excitement, passionate love involves a mix of elation and gloom, tingling exhilaration an dejected misery. People can even feel passionate love toward someone who evokes pain, anxiety and jealousy. Why? Romantic love sometimes seems not to follow the sensible principle that we like those who reward us and dislike those who cause us pain. An answer to this puzzling question has been provided by researchers like Douglas Kenrick and Robert Cialdini (1977). According to them, while the loved one may cause pain and anxiety, the loved one alleviates those emotions. The lover triggers jealousy when with someone else, yet also offers ecstatic relief upon returning. Loving those associated with the termination of negative feelings actually illustrates the reward principle. Perhaps you can recall a "lover's quarrel" that was almost justified by the intense pleasure of making up.
Time and Culture in Love
There is always a temptation (the false consensus effect) to assume that others share our feelings and ideas. We assume, for example, that love is a precondition for marriage. But this assumption is not shared in cultures that practice arrange marriages. The arranged marriages which have long been a feature of eastern cultures may have emotional as well as practical advantages. In one study done in Jaipur, India, in loved-based romantic love declined with years of marriage but in arranged marriages, love increased over time. Until recently in North America, marital choices, especially those by women, were strongly influence by considerations of economic security, family background and professional status. But by the mid-1980s, almost 9 in 10 young adults surveyed indicated that love is essential for marriage. Thus culture vary in the importance placed upon romantic love. In western culture, love generally precedes marriage, in others, it more than often follows marriage.
Factor of Self-Monitoring in Love
Individuals also vary in their approach to heterosexual relationships. Some seek succession of short involvements; others value the intimacy of an exclusive and enduring relationship. Some people, those high in 'self-monitoring', skilfully monitor their own behavior to create the desired effect in any given situation. Others, those low in self-monitoring, are more internally guided, more likely to report that they act the same way regardless of the situation.
What type of person- someone high or low in self-monitoring - would you guess to be more affected by a prospect's physical appearance, to be more willing to end the relationship in favor of a new partner and therefore to date more people for shorter periods of time, and to be more sexually promiscuous?
The research has concluded that in each case the answer is the person in high in self-monitoring. Such people are skilled in managing first impressions but tend to be less committed to deep and enduring relationships. Low self-monitoring, being less externally focused, are more committed and display more concern for people's inner qualities. When perusing folders to examine potential dates or employees, they place a higher premium on potential attributes than on appearance. And given a chance between someone who shares their attitudes or preferred activities, low self-monitors feel drawn to those with kindred attitudes.