Why i Left Blogging & the Return.

I always struggle on how to start off posts, so here it goes. Hi, remember me? I’m Jade; I’m twenty-six and I’m probably the world’s shittest blogger. Maybe that’s too harsh, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s been almost a entire year since my last post. My excuse? The truth? I kinda fell out of love with blogging.

The best place to try and start to explain myself is to say that I think I reached a point where I simply just didn’t feel true to myself anymore. Perhaps it’s just me but I think I fell into a rut of just doing posts that I felt were ‘expected’ from bloggers. Looking back with hindsight I did jump on a bandwagon when I was lacking creativity. If in doubt I’d do another haul maybe. However, that’s not to say following a trend or post idea you like is a terrible thing. You do you. For me though, I developed a pretty shitty way of thinking that because I couldn’t get past the longest writer’s block known to (wo)mankind, no one would be interested in either 1. My original content (when it decided to actually flourish, not that there was much of it.) 2. That if I then didn’t keep up with the blogging joneses, I’d somehow become some kind of blogging outcast and would lose all my hard work. Told you my brain works in mysteriously weird ways.
 Now I may sound overly dramatic (when am I ever not though?) but stick with me on this one, okay. When I first created my little blog way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth in 2012 it seemed as if the thing was to find your little niche and roll with it. Not really having a clue what I wanted to write about, I just knew I wanted to write something, I slapped on the label of ‘beauty and fashion blogger’ and went on my merry way. Six years later and I still know bugger all about either. I like to think I do, but I honestly know zilch. I’ve always just gone with the flow, worn what I’ve fancied that day and for someone with a small but decent skincare collection, I still can’t get my head around anything beyond a good face wash, moisturiser and the occasional face mask from Lush – and I spent a Christmas working at my local Lush so I really should know more! Let’s not even get started on my pathetic makeup attempts. In short, I felt like one big fraud who didn’t deserve to be in the realms of writing about either topic. On the other hand, because I’d put myself in a category, I felt as if I couldn’t branch out from what I’d committed myself to. Any confidence I had whilst attempting to create such content took the world’s biggest nosedive into a sea of anxiety and overthinking. Putting it bluntly, I’m done with labeling myself and my content in an attempt to fit any particular niche, I’m just gonna post about whatever suits me. A big 🖕to labels, expectations and groups.
Another reason I think my fondness for blogging faded slightly was because I was stuck censoring myself due to certain people reading blog who I wished wouldn’t. But it’s the internet and comes with the territory so there’s not much I can do about that one. I constantly felt stuck between what I wanted to post vs what I allowed myself to post. I guess this will still be an ongoing issue but I’ve reached a point in my life where I just don’t care anymore (with a few exceptions) but I’ll be slowly working on this and just teaching myself how to create the best comment blocker/email filter.
If you’ve made it this far then a big congratulation and thank you! What a trooper! I know I tend to ramble on. Whilst I’m on the subject though, one of the other reasons that I believe put a dampener on things for me was the level that photography has reached within the blogging community. A few years ago, I gave into the hype/pressure or whatever you want to call it and asked for a nifty little Canon EOS M for Christmas. Apart from a trip to New York whist I was at Uni I think I’ve only used it a handful of times and it’s now sat gathering dust on my bookshelf. Again, it not that I don’t want to take good photos or fabulous flay lays of pretty trinkets surrounded by a shit ton of glitter; I just feel rather intimidated by how perfected everything is. I could write up a brilliant post that was completely my own thoughts and ideas, but if I couldn’t get that perfectly crisp and edited ‘bloggers’ photo then I felt like a failure as ‘surely it couldn’t be that hard as every other blogger worth their words can manage it.’ My whole attitude to the post would change and I just felt deflated. See it all comes back round to the ‘expectations’ I had convinced myself I had to live up to. Silly that in hindsight. Having said that, don’t be surprised if for this post you’re stuck with a cute but irrelevant photo of my dog for company. I just feel I need to get this thesis blog post out there.
Finally, I originally had my heart set on returning way back in January, new year and a new start, etc. However (a big however!) life does what it always does and fucks you right over. Towards the end of January, I developed a stomach condition. It’s ongoing, chronic and the doctors are still completely stuck on what it is and no one can actually agree. Long story short something, that should be working properly isn’t. Brilliant. I’m planning on doing an actual post dedicated to this in the hopes of if there’s anyone out there with similar symptoms, they may find it helpful, but for now I have good days and bad days (currently mostly bad) and think I must be up to my 15th blood test by now; something not that fab when you’re a known fainter. But I’m finding trying to maintain a positive outlook and just going a day at a time is the best for now. I’ll keep you updated.
Like intros I’m just as bad as ending posts so I’ll leave you with this.

•  Don’t limit and put yourself into a creative sinkhole. Branch out and don’t be afraid to explore new things.
• Write and create what you’d want to read and look at yourself.
• Anxiety and artistic doubt can be a bitch.
• Try not to compare yourself to others.
• You don’t have to be a fountain of knowledge to share or express an interest in something. Take that and learn new things whilst having fun doing what you love.
• You do you.

Thanks for reading, love Jade x