2nd Edition Published March 27, 2018.
Anne-Marie Lockmyer received a phone call that stopped her world. Her husband of 26 years (less four days) lost his life due to a brain aneurysm.Lockmyer's life changed immediately.
Drawing on her own experience, her research, and the experience of many others grieving the loss of a loved one, Lockmyer wrote this 96-page guide for people who want to offer comfort and support.
When Their World Stops: The Essential Guide to TRULY Helping Anyone in Grief is filled with very specific, concrete suggestions on how to offer help to the bereft.
Many other books on grief focus on the spiritual, intellectual, and emotional dimensions of suffering loss. Yes, these realms do demand attention. I tend to err on the side of the metaphysical.
However, Lockmyer focuses on more tangible responses to supporting a bereft person:
Do they have any food for breakfast during the week of the funeral?
Will someone help pick up relatives from the airport?
Do they need someone to take their trash to the curb?
Have they cancelled subscriptions and memberships held in the deceased's name?
Will extended family mention the deceased person by name during the next family gathering?
Will friends and relatives remember to comfort the bereft on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries?
There are even cautions on what not to say: (i.e., "You will have another child." "You will marry again.") Lockmyer writes, "These platitudes don't make our friend feel better" (p. 9).
Lockmyer also cautions against saying that you can relate because of your own loss or seeking to diminish their pain by telling stories of more horrific losses. Instead, she gives tips on how to communicate sympathy instead of trying to eliminate the pain of loss.
This book would be a great reference for leaders in a variety of venues such as a workplace, volunteer organization, housing organization, or a religious community. Most people want to offer comfort to the bereft, but they often resort to platitudes. Or people end up avoiding the topic or even avoiding the person who is bereft. There are suggestions on how to mention the deceased in ways that preserve their memory and comfort their surviving loved ones.
Lockmyer herself admits that before her husband died, she did too little or did the wrong thing because she simply did not understand. I'm very grateful for her book of practical suggestions. I plan on referencing my review copy and purchasing a copy for the library at my place of worship.
Available at Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/0996802401
To learn more about Lockmyer: www.griefandtraumahealing.com
Note: I received a review copy in exchange for a fair and honest review.
Related:
Widowed Support Groups
Grief vs Depression
Nothing Was the Same: Book Review