What To Do When Your Ex Wants Space

It finally came. The words you dreaded to hear finally came out of your ex's mouth "I need space".

It could even be communicated through a message, email, or sometimes even through mutual friends. So, now that your ex has told you to give him/her space, what should you do?

Before telling you what to do, we want to first understand the whole meaning behind what your ex means by wanting some space.

You Have Probably Pushed Too Much

Chances are that the reason why your ex wants space, is because you had probably been towards the end.

You may have been asking for a second chance, or forced your ex to make a decision, or even told your ex that you still love him/her.

When you do this, it adds lots of pressure on your ex and this let's your ex feel really uncomfortable.

So you need to really understand what is behind your ex's mind when your ex says he/she needs space.

The Psychology of Your Ex's Mind

If you want your ex back, one thing that you must know is the psychology of your ex .

When your ex says he/she needs space, what your ex really means is that your ex feels too suffocated now with you constantly pressuring him/her.

For your ex to reach this point, your ex must have been feeling too overwhelmed from what is happening in your relationship.

It's possible that everything in your ex's life is being affected as well. Your ex probably can't concentrate on his/her work, or can't function properly in life and basically is just feeling very stressed because of the situation with you.

And by you continuing to want to be in contact with your ex , it would only make your ex want to pull further away from you.

That would be the mistake to avoid.

So, what should you do?

Agree To Give Space

This is going to be very counterintuitive because your natural instinct is to fight to get your ex back . If your ex tells you to give him/her space, you take it as though that this is the end of the relationship.

But guess what? The moment your ex was unhappy in the relationship , that really was the end of the relationship already!

However if you were to agree with your ex and give your ex space, it would come as a shock to your ex because your ex wouldn't probably be expecting you to agree to it so easily.

So, when you agree to give space to your ex, in actual fact what you're doing is telling your ex that you have thought for his/her feelings. And this will give your ex a positive feeling about you because it shows you understand your ex's feelings.

So, what should you do now that you have given your ex space?

Steps To Re-Attract Your Ex Again

This certainly is not the end all or be all of your relationship. You certainly still have a chance to get your ex back. By giving your ex space, you would also be allowing your ex to have the opportunity to miss you.

Step 1: Re-evaluate Your Relationship

This is the time to have a good think about your relationship.

There is a good reason why your relationship has gone south. So, it's important to look back in your relationship for clues.

What you need to understand is that ultimately a relationship comes to and end because your ex is not happy in the relationship, or not feeling the way he/she wants to feel in the relationship.

So you need to really reflect back in your relationship to find out why your relationship didn't work out.

Ask yourself a few questions:

• Can you think of any reason why your ex is unhappy?
• Can you think of a particular incident that changed your ex's attitude towards you?
• What were some of the concerns that your ex raised in the relationship when with you?
• What were the things that your ex told you that he/she didn't like?
• What were the things your ex had told you to change?

Also think back to the time when you first got together with your ex, and then compare it to how you were towards the end of the relationship.

How were you different at the start of the relationship compared to at the end of it?

Had you been consistently in showing your love and affection to your ex compared to the start of the relationship?

Then ask yourself honestly, had you done anything that contributed to the demise of your relationship?

All these questions are very important for you to find out what went wrong in your relationship because this is the whole reason why you are no longer with your ex.

There is no point getting back with your ex when the very problem that has gotten you into this mess in this first place remains unresolved.

If these fundamental problems in the relationship are not resolved, then chances are that you will still face a breakup even if you were to get back with your ex now.

This is also the reason why many couples constantly again and again even after getting back together. Such relationships can never be lasting because the issue at hand is still unresolved.

Remember, we do not want to just band-aid the damage in the relationship. We want to actually mend it for good, so it doesn't resurface again.

Step 2: Work On Your Transformation

Now that you have figured out what is the problem with the relationship. Then it's time to work on your transformation. And this is very important because right now, chances are that your ex still thinks that you will not change. This is the perception your ex has of you.

And in order for your ex to want to be back with you, he/she needs to actually experience a change in you.

So, during this time, it is crucial to work on three key areas:

These three key areas are important for your ex to see you as attractive again. And you aren't going to get your ex back by talking your way back. That will never work.

The only way to get your ex back is to attract your ex back to you. Remember your ex has to willingly want to be with you again.

So, by working on these three key areas, you will be able to make your ex fall for you again.

Step 3: Begin In A Friendly Way

Next, you want to start in a friendly way when you reconnect with your ex. The important thing is to not let your ex still think that you want him/her. And that's by starting off as friends to your ex.

Starting as friends is the "backdoor" to your ex's heart and can increase your chances of getting your ex back . It plays a very important strategic role, and that is to get your ex to lower his/her defense towards you.

Only when your ex has her defences lowered towards you will he/she be okay to be in communication with you again.

So, the primary objective is not to talk about the relationship, but rather re-establish communication in a very fun, friendly and light way, and that is very important to getting your ex to want you again.

Step 4: Link Pleasure In Your Ex Towards You

The next step is to let your ex link pleasure to you. What that basically means is to let your ex start to feel good because of you again.

You see, we all make decisions out of two core human needs in general:

1. The need to gain pleasure
2. The need to avoid pain

The reason why we want to eat the chocolate cake despite telling ourselves that we want to go on a diet is because at that point of time, eating cake is going to give us more pleasure than to not eat.

The reason why we do not follow up on our exercise regime is because the workout itself is quite tiring and can cause us to have muscle ache or back pain at the end of the day, and we link pain to that. So, after some time, we stop exercising.

Similarly, the reason why your ex wants space is because she links pain to being with you at this moment.

That is why it's important to get your ex to link pleasure towards you again.

To learn how to get your ex to link pleasure to you, click one of the choices below: