What the Fuck is Cream Cheese?

Tomorrow's Super Bowl is a great excuse to eat a bunch of junk + dip. And what is the magical ingredient in said dip? Indubidably, it is cream cheese, miracle food, food of foods, general delight and one of just scant few reasons to get out of bed as January rolls over into February and this life just keeps going on and on and on with no end in sight.
Did I say life? Sorry, I meant, um, winter. Let's go with winter.
Anyway, what the fuck is cream cheese?
We all know what cheese is:

And we all have a loose understanding of what cream is:
But what the fuck is cream cheese, really?

Cream cheese is a soft, mild-tasting, high-fat fresh cheese to which carob bean gum and/or carrageenan are added.
Carob bean gum is a vegetable gum extracted from the seeds of the Mediterranean carob tree. It’s used as a thickening agent.

Carob tree pods

Carrageenan is extracted from red edible seaweed, it’s used to make foods gel.

Red seaweed

Not that gross, actually Okay, so cream cheese is cow’s milk mixed with seedy things and seaweed stuff. I was thinking the results of this investigation were going to be much grosser.
So enjoy! Here are some shit-hot, Tested Til Perfect Canadian Living cream cheese dip recipes for you to dip stuff into and then put into your mouth:

• Bubbling Emmental Cheese Dip
• Creamy Herb Dip
• Kale and Cheese Dip

Are you going to pretend to get excited about the Super Bowl? Leave a comment and let us know.