As women age, our relationship with style can evolve. While some embrace their newfound confidence and sartorial freedom, others may find themselves feeling lost or unsure of how to express themselves through their wardrobe. Do you feel that you're stuck in a style rut and are not sure how to get out? What are some of the common psychological barriers that can hinder women's confidence in their style and explore strategies to overcome them?
1. Body Image and Weight
"My body is wrong as nothing ever fits me." "I'm too fat, I'll invest in my style when I've lost weight." "I'm too short/tall and nothing ever fits me."Do any of these ring true for you?
One of the most pervasive concerns for women of all ages is body image and that style is only for the slim. The belief that you must be a certain size or shape to look stylish can be incredibly limiting. Remember, style isn't about conforming to a particular ideal; it's about finding clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin. Getting to know what actually works for your unique body can be so freeing. I know for me when I discovered that I have an H shape body and that fit and flare styles are the worst on me (even though I love the look of them on others), I suddenly felt so much better about my body as I wasn't trying to force my body into garments that weren't in harmony with it. Instead, I started wearing styles of clothing that worked with my body, highlighting its beauty.
Never underestimate the value of an outfit whose silhouette is in harmony with your body and fits well (yes, alterations are NOT a sign of failure), and outfits that fit well make you feel better and more confident. Your chance of finding the perfect fit in stores is pretty slim (I can tell you this as I've shopped with thousands of women over the past 20 years and every single one, no matter their size, struggles with fit in mass-manufactured garments). Instead, get the best fit you can find in a garment that suits your style and have it tailored to you.
If you're really not sure which styles suit the body you have today, invest in a style education ( 7 Steps to Style is an excellent place to do this) then experiment with different silhouettes, fabrics, and colours to discover what works best for your unique body type. Don't wait until you've lost weight, instead work with the body you have today. Celebrate it (you're here and alive and that's a wonderful thing), and appreciate it by dressing it in a way that expresses your personality which makes you feel more confident.
2. Ageism and the Fear of Looking "Too Old"
"I'm too old for fashion" "I'm worried about looking like mutton dressed as lamb" "I worry that people will laugh at me."As we age, there's a fear that certain styles or trends might make us appear older than our actual age or conversely that we're trying too hard to look young ( the old mutton dressed as lamb fear). However, this is a misconception. Fashion is a form of self-expression, and there are no rules about what you can or cannot wear at any age. Embrace your maturity and experiment with timeless classics, vintage pieces, creative garments and accessories and contemporary trends that reflect your personal style.
Get an understanding of what your personal style is by creating your own style recipe that reflects how you want to be perceived today. With wisdom comes power!
This gives you a guide to work with when making choices shopping and also when deciding what to keep in your wardrobe and what to let go of. Style is a journey, not a destination, so it will continue to change and morph your entire life. Getting stuck in a style rut because you're too scared to change won't make you feel great and will sap your self-esteem.
Remember you're never going to be younger than you are today!
3. Financial Constraints
"I can't afford a stylish wardrobe." "I don't have the money for nice clothes"The belief that you need a substantial budget to look stylish can be a barrier for many women. However, style isn't about spending a lot of money; it's about making smart choices. In fact, many women have a lot of cheap clothes in their wardrobe that they don't wear. If they add up the cost of each of these items they would be amazed (and most likely horrified) about how much they've wasted on clothing that they're not wearing because it doesn't work for them.
In fact, so often the reason women buy cheap clothes is because they're scared of making an expensive mistake (because they've made lots of cheap mistakes). This is because they don't have the education in colour and style that will guide them to making the right decisions for them.
If you don't invest in yourself who will? As the advertisement says "you're worth it". This is because what you wear is a form of non-verbal communication that tells the world a plethora of information about you. If others can see that you don't value yourself why should they give you that pay-rise or promotion? Your wardrobe is actually one of the tools of your trade, if you look the part it's easier to get promoted, a new job, and the pay rise. It's an investment in your career.
Once you've got your personal style guidelines sorted, then it's time to invest in high-quality pieces that will last, and don't be afraid to shop secondhand or thrift stores, consignment stores, and factory outlets for unique finds to do this on a budget. Instead of buying more cheaper garments, save your pennies and dollars and then only buy what you truly love, that works for your body, colouring and lifestyle and reflects your personality.
Consider building a capsule wardrobe of versatile pieces that can be mixed and matched to create various outfits. One of the values of having your colour palette is that it makes it really easy to build a capsule as the colours in your palette naturally go together. A personal colour analysis is such a great investment as part of your style education as it will not only save you money on clothes that don't make you look healthy but also on makeup and hair colouring choices (how many eyeshadow palettes and lipsticks do you have that you don't wear?).
4. Overwhelm and Decision Fatigue
"I hate walking into a boutique as I feel judged by the salesperson or they're too pushy and I end up buying something I don't wear." "I don't shop in department stores as there are too many choices and I don't know where to start" "I just get too confused about what to try on, and end up in the changeroom hating myself and then leaving with nothing as it's all too hard." "I buy online and never get around to returning anything even though I know I should, such a waste of money." "I buy a garment I love, but when I get it home it doesn't work with anything else in my wardrobe." "I go shopping and buy a similar garment to what I already own as I don't know what else to buy and I don't want to come home empty-handed." "When I find something that works, I go back and buy it in every colour, but really only end up wearing one or possibly two of the options."I've heard all of these (and have experienced some of them myself, before I got the education in style that I have now), and overwhelm can be one of the biggest reasons you struggle with your style. There are literally millions of possible choices, so how do you make the right ones for you?
Retail therapy is great when you know what you're after when you have your personal style guidelines sorted, and don't buy anything that won't work with other garments you already own. Retail as therapy can be a slippery slope, and one I don't recommend as that's often when you end up with clones of what you own, or heroes that don't go with anything else in your wardrobe, and you're throwing your money away.
With the vast array of fashion options available, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start. Start by identifying your personal style. Getting your body, colour and personality guidelines sorted out will give you a clearer sense of your preferences, and then it's so much easier to narrow down your options and make more confident choices.
Then make sure your wardrobe is organised so you can actually see what you have so you can more easily make outfits from your existing garments. Editing your wardrobe, getting rid of what's not working so you know what you have, makes a huge difference, plus it has the added benefit of showing up where your wardrobe gaps are so then you shop only for items you really need, rather than buying more clothes that are clones.
5. Fit and Comfort
"Nothing ever looks good on me." "I have a wardrobe full of clothes I don't wear." "I hate clothes that are uncomfortable."Finding clothes that fit well can be a challenge, especially as our bodies change over time.
Are you feeling this way because it's really a self-esteem issue and relates back to your body (see point 1), or is there another reason? So often we end up with lots of clothes and nothing to wear because
- We buy clothes that don't fit (and don't bother getting them altered as we feel that's a waste of money), yet we've already spent money on the garment
- We buy different because we're sick of our clone wardrobe, or boring wardrobe, yet we buy clothing that isn't really us, so never wear it.
- We buy clothes for a lifestyle that we don't have, that imagined lifestyle that we think we'd love, but it's not our reality, and these clothes aren't comfortable for our actual lifestyle.
- We buy clothes in a size that isn't the one we are today, with the idea we'll wear it when we reach that size, but even if we do get there it may not fit right or look good
- We keep clothes in case we lose weight or gain weight and they clutter our wardrobe so we can't actually see what we have that works today to put together a stylish outfit
Don't be afraid to try on different sizes and styles to find what works best for you. The label is just a number, it's on the inside, and nobody needs to know what it is. In fact, when you own the garment you can cut that label out so you never have to see it again either.
If you care about how a garment feels, then make sure you move about in it, stretch, bend, and squat to make sure it moves with you and doesn't grab or bind and make you feel uncomfortable.
Also, consider alterations or custom tailoring to ensure a perfect fit. Remember, comfort is key when it comes to feeling confident in your style.
Tips for Overcoming These Barriers
To overcome these psychological barriers and embrace your personal style, consider the following strategies:
- Challenge negative thoughts: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Write a letter to your body to help you think more positively about the body you have today.
- Seek inspiration: Follow fashion bloggers, influencers, and celebrities who inspire you. But only the ones that don't make you feel bad. If you have any negative thoughts stop following!
- Experiment and have fun: Try new styles and trends without fear of judgment. You don't have to buy the things, but it's worth trying new styles on, as sometimes you may find something new that you're really excited about.
- Build a supportive community: Connect with like-minded women who can offer encouragement and advice. This is one of the biggest benefits of my online 7 Steps to Style community, it's a sisterhood of women going through a similar experience and journey to you.
Remember, style is a journey, not a destination. Embrace your individuality and have fun expressing yourself through your wardrobe. Get the education in colour and style that will set you on the right path to style freedom and confidence.