"You backed down again."
Personally this comes my way a lot.
It seems the best motto is to walk away before confrontation. After awhile, though, people start to make their own assessments. For example they use words like pushover, "door mat" and "soft touch."
This comes up so much in daily life that it leads one to wonder what they should do. Do you stand up for yourself regardless of the consequences or do you try to avoid confrontation?
This post applies Christian principles to the dilemma of "backing down" in a disagreement. It is based on a question of what to do in a disagreement.
*"Should I stick up for myself or back down?"*
What Would Jesus Do?
A Christian discussion would start with the proverbial, "What would Jesus do?"
It is important to remember how Jesus responded to adversity in the Gospels. During his trial and conviction with the death penalty Jesus remained silent to the accusations. He knew they were wrong, yet he did not "stick up for himself."
This could be one guide for how we respond. The Bible is intended to be a guide for how God works with us. There is also another added element.
When Jesus died for your atonement he died for more than the forgiveness for your sins. He died for you to be more like him. As Church Father St. Athanasius was quoted as saying,
"God became man that man might become like God”
This is a fairly convincing indicator to us.
But, wait.
Although it sounds good, being quiet in the face of wrong accusations is not as easy to do as it sounds. A human reaction is typically more like retaliation. When someone gets at you, don't you want to get back at them?
Here, again, some Bible verses could be useful.
1. "Vengeance is mine. I will repay", says the Lord. - Romans 12:19
This is basically stating that God created the other person and it is up to God to judge. You only know part of the equation. God knows all of it.
2. “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." - Ephesians 4:26, 27
Needless to say bad things can happen when we do this.
3. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. - Colossians 3:8
Not only are these things bad, but they could come back against us later in life.
4. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. - Timothy 2:23-24
Timothy's letters are usually considered Pastoral, or such that he was writing to what we now refer to as clergy.
And, if these aren't enough:
5. "So God created mankind in his own image." - Genesis 1:27
There is part of EVERY human made in the image of God, so this is something to remember.
Furthermore God does not view people as humans do. Since God is greater than us, it is wise to consider.
"Should I stick up for myself or back down"
This is the question this post focuses on. The Bible seems to give some clear direction on which one to choose. Many Bible verses, other than the ones listed, seem to point in the direction of backing down.
The Author's Opinion
In everyday life this situation is more difficult to navigate. The best answer might be depend on the circumstance. In other words, sometimes it is better to stick up for yourself to some degree. When this leads to divisiveness it is time to back down.
Sticking up for yourself might not work, either. In some cases the best advice might even be to leave the person or the situation. God does not desire for you to be a door mat.
The above Bible verses also reiterate how God does not want a lot of quarrels for his people, either. Some judgment is necessary.
Do you ever think of yourself as a door mat?
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Was Jesus A Passive Doormat?
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