What First Year Taught Me

By Kelliciousxo @Kelliciousxo

  1.  BRISTOLIANS ARE BLOODY ACE
  2. MEN ARE ACTUALLY RATHER LOVELY DOMESTICATED HUMAN BEINGS
  3. PASTA IS A GODSEND
  4. MIXING DRINKS = BAD
  5. AN NUS CARD GETS YOUR FAR IN LIFE
  6. SLEEP IS THE BEST IDEA EVER
  7. RED BULL HIGHS ARE COMMONPLACE
  8. BEING THE ONLY GIRL ACTUALLY ISN'T THAT BAD
  9. SECOND YEARS WILL USE THAT STATUS TO TRY AND PULL YOU IN FRESHER'S WEEK
  10. PRE-DRINKING IS A NECESSITY, AND PRE-PRE DRINKS EVEN MORE SO
  11. CRASHING ON PEOPLE'S SOFAS IN A DRUNKEN MESS TO WAKE UP HUNGOVER AND DISHEVELLED BEFORE WALKING TO THE BUS STOP IS A COMMON OCCURENCE
  12. AMAZON IS THE BEST FLIPPING PLACE ON EARTH TO BUY BOOKS
  13. ABSENCE FROM POUND A PINT A NIGHT AT THE SU WILL RESULT IN YOU BEING RIPPED SENSELESS FOR AT LEAST 3 DAYS AFTERWARDS
  14. THERE ARE ACTUALLY NO EXCUSES TO NOT ATTEND POUND A PINT/DRINK THE BAR DRY ON CAMPUS
  15. STEALING POSTERS/ROADWORKS/ROAD SIGNS IS A WELL KNOWN ACTIVITY AMONGST THE STUDENT POPULATION AND MUST OCCUR AT LEAST TWICE A TERM
  16. BEING WOKEN UP AT 3AM BY TWO OF YOUR HOUSEMATES TO BE TOLD THEY HAVE STOLEN NEXT DOOR'S PLANTPOTS, FOLLOWED BY THEM PUTTING THEM IN YOUR BED AND HIDING YOUR ROOM KEYS WILL ACTUALLY SEEM QUITE NORMAL COMPARED TO OTHER BANTER YOU WITNESS
  17. IF IT'S A TAKEWAY AND IT'S OPEN, IT DESERVES YOUR CUSTOM
  18. CIDER IS THE BEST FLIPPING DRINK IN THE WORLD
  19. TWO FOR TUESDAYS WAS THE WORK OF GOD
  20. GOING OUT IN YOUR LAB COAT IS A BRILLIANT IDEA
  21. GAY CLUBS ARE THE BOMB
  22. THERE ARE MORE MOVIES ON THIS EARTH THAN I EVER IMAGINED
  23. NETFLIX WILL CAUSE MANY PROCRASTINATION SESSIONS
  24. NOISE COMPLAINTS ARE A TRIUMPH
  25. BIOCHEMISTRY IS STUPIDLY AWFUL
  26. GLASS CAN SHATTER QUITE EASILY IN LABS AND RESULT IN LOTS OF BLOOD BEING SHED
  27. WALKING IN THE FOUNTAINS OF BRISTOL WHILST DRUNK IS FABULOUS
  28. FIRST BUSES ARE A RIP OFF
  29. ONESIES ARE AN ESSENTIAL PART OF ONE'S WARDROBE
  30. PUTTING THAT ASSIGNMENT OFF WON'T GET YOU ANYWHERE IN LIFE
  31. MICROBIOLOGY = IMPOSSIBLE
  32. ...AND THE MICRO LECTURERS LIKE TO TALK ABOUT VAGINAS AND MAGIC MUSHROOMS.
  33. OLD BRISTOLIAN IS ONLY ACCEPTABLE FOR 2 PINTS, THEN IT STARTS TO TASTE LIKE WATERED DOWN FAECES...THEN THE DREADED DRUNKENNESS KICKS IN.
  34. STOKE GIFFORD IS BRISTOL OK? (EVEN THOUGH TECHNICALLY I LIVE IN SOUTH GLOUCESTERSHIRE...)
  35. THE HARBOURSIDE IS AWESOME
  36. NEVER GO TO SYNDICATE OR OCEANA ON A SATURDAY UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE TOO MUCH BUM AND BOOB
  37. MBARGOS IS ALWAYS A SAFE PLAN WHEN YOU WANT A CHEAP NIGHT OUT
  38. THEKLA ISN'T THEKLA IF YOU DON'T SING 'I'M ON A BOAT' WHILST IN THERE
  39. ZA ZA BAZAAR WILL MAKE YOU PUT ON 5 STONE WITHIN AN HOUR
  40. BANKSY PIECES BECOME A PART OF YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE. OR AT LEAST PIECES BY PEOPLE TRYING TO BE LIKE HIM.
  41. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, UWE STUDENTS COULD BECOME COMEDIANS. RUSSELL HOWARD AND MIRANDA HART WENT TO MY UNI, SO IT COULD ALWAYS BE POSSIBLE
  42. BY THE END OF FIRST TERM, IT IS INEVITABLE EVERYBODY KNOWS TOO MUCH ABOUT YOU THANKS TO NEVER HAVE I EVER...WITH STRAIGHT VODKA AND JAEGER.
  43. YOU WILL SEE AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE NAKED BY THE END OF THE YEAR, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT
  44. NOBODY ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE IS, SO THEY JUST NOD AND SMILE AT YOU..BUT YOU KNOW THEY'RE TOTALLY CLUELESS
  45. JOB HUNTING WILL BE THE BIGGEST BAIN OF YOUR EXISTENCE, APART FROM LECTURES AND FINISHING COURSEWORK ON TIME.
  46. BLACKBOARD WILL ALWAYS BE DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE WHEN YOU NEED IT THE MOST.
  47. EVEN IF YOU INTEND TO STAY HEALTHY, IT GOES DOWN THE DRAIN ON A REGULAR BASIS.
  48. REMEMBERING WHO NEEDS TO TAKE OUT THE BINS ALWAYS GOES WRONG.
  49. THE 502 IS THE BEST BUS TO CAMPUS BECAUSE IT'S ONLY £1
  50. UNI IS TOTALLY AMAZING