After over a year of living in a joint family, we're moving out. I came to India fully prepared to live out the rest of my days sharing a home with my in-laws, but it seems I was too optimistic. Things I thought would get better, got worse as my need for personal space, independence and control grew. People warned me that joint family living is hard, no matter how lovely your in-laws are. I carried on without taking much notice, assuming it would be different for me, and I could make it work. I was going to be with my husband and that's all that mattered, right?
Wrong.I have found joint family life extremely hard, there were expectation that I just couldn't change myself for. I came to India to be with the man I love, not to be a perfect Indian daughter-in-law with decisions I personally feel my husband and I should make, made for us. I gladly embraced many of the family traditions and customs, but I'm just not cut out to be someone who floats blindly along behind my husband's parents.
There was an incident just before we bought Alfonso home. I was home alone and four to six builders were called to the house, they saw me, I went back to my bedroom, locked the door and they aggressively kicked my bedroom door for five minutes until I started crying loudly. I was petrified and imagining everything that could have happened if I didn't have a lock. My husband had no idea that I would be alone with builders and since then, I've not been completely comfortable even with my little guard dog.
As a couple, need our own space and we need control over our lives. I need to start to make India my home, at the moment I still feel like a lodger in someone elses house. Unfortunately, I'm not built for joint family life. I personally feel it's best for everyone involved and the only way we can all be happier and healthier.
Next week I'll be ticking off my first New Years resolution, we'll be in our own home! We're so happy! Our original plan was to move to South India but now we've decided to stay in Nagpur.