The day every Bama fan has been waiting for is among us! September 14th, the day Nick Saban and the Tide roll into College Station and take out some Old Testament vengeance upon Johnny Manziel and his overrated football team! It is here; get yourself ready because the Tide is coming in and going to take your dreams and wash them out to sea. Before I go into how the Tide is going to get their revenge, I must first take you to somewhere you don’t want to go that got us to this point.
Look away if you’re a Bama fan due to graphic content
It was November 10th, 2012, that fateful day that makes every Bama fan cringe to this day. I remember it all too well. It was a fall day with a nice breeze, crimson and houndstooth as far as the eye could see, and I was in the lovely City of Champions, simply known as Tuscaloosa to some. Around 2:30 pm the ball was kicked off the tee and the rest is too painful to share. Long story short, I walked out of Bryant Denny that day feeling as though Texas A&M had personally taken something from me. That’s a feeling I did not forget, and neither has the Tide fearlessly led by Nick Saban.
Now about this week. This is the week that matters. This is the week that makes every Texas A&M fan quiver uncontrollably knowing who is coming and what is about to happen to them. First off, Alabama just had a bye week, which may not mean much to the average football coach like Kevin Sumlin, but to Nick Saban a bye week is like someone telling him he can’t have an oatmeal cream pie when he’s craving one. And I’ll tell you, Nick Saban always has his oatmeal pie. Last year Texas A&M took it and guess what? Nick Saban is about to roll up into College Station, take back that savory oatmeal pie you stole, and make you watch him as he devours his delicious snack. I say this not to scare you but to prepare you for what is soon to come.
The face that could devour an oatmeal pie or in this case an Aggie.
So now all you rightly-worried A&M fans, ask yourself “Can Johnny Football pull off the miracle again?” Ask yourself “Has Nick Saban ever lost 2 years in a row to the same team?” I hate to break it to you, but statistically, y’all have a better chance of being executed by Rick Perry than winning this game. Nick Saban has a 14-2 record as an SEC coach in rematch games against opponents he lost to the previous season. In those 14 initial defeats, Saban lost by an average of 14.4 points; however, in those 16 rematches the next year, he won by an average of 14.7 points. So yes, you should worry and worry you will.
Come on, y’all. We’re talking about Nick Saban here — the football genius that beats most teams before they even take the field. He practically invents ways to make teams quit. So before all you Texas A&M fans start with your “Johhny Football is sooo good OMG” comments, sit and listen because you are about to learn what getting taken to the woodshed is all about. And just so we’re clear, the woodshed looks a little like this: Nick Saban is going to hunt you down, haunt you in your sleep, and destroy your dreams. He knows what you’re going to do before you do it and he is watching you even this very moment. He’s like the Santa Clause of the Football world. You should know Nick Saban hasn’t slept one single day since that loss 306 days ago. What does Nick Saban think about when he gets out of the shower every morning? What does he think about while he’s eating his Cocoa Puffs and Little Debbies? And what does Nick Saban think about while he’s on the pot? If you guessed annihilating and exposing an overrated Texas A&M team you would be right! Saban will have his vengeance. Do not take this lightly. Consider yourself warned and for all of you drinking on that Haterade, no worries. You will be silenced.
The sack city committee will be out in full force! Johnny can we have your autograph?
Now we can go over what you can expect to see at the game:
- Nick Saban stealing back his oatmeal pie
- Bama having actual girl cheerleaders unlike A&M’s “yell crew” composed of guys
- Texas A&M fans crying uncontrollably (a little like Tebow a few years back…)
- Johnny Football rushes < 100 yards
- Johnny Football gets a personal foul (or three)
- Johnny Football asks for AJ McCarron’s autograph after the game
- Total annihilation of Texas A&M and their excuse of a football program
With all that said my final score prediction is: Alabama 38 Texas A&M 17
Perfection is an expectation at Alabama, so we’re confident, with good reason. Three National Championship wins in four years allows you to add some extra swagger to your step. The road to 16 goes through college station. Sit back and enjoy.
I’d love to hear your predictions and/or excuses about the game. If you care to put in your input leave me a comment at the end of the post.
“We are Alabama. We are the Tide. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.”