1. Bathroom Scales: Just think of the show "The Biggest Loser" and you will score big with this gift. What valentine would not want to weigh in on a great big 'ole scale after they have just consumed a CVS store's worth of chocolate? This gift says you are an idiot.
2. Girl Scout Cookies: Nothing says I forgot about Valentine's Day like Girl Scout cookies. Just grab that box of Thin Mints from the little girls in green hocking them in front of your local Wal-mart on the way home!
3. Lingerie: Seriously? This gift says you are a selfish loser. If you are buying your valentine lingerie, you better be doing some wine and dine first! And there better be a lot of wine.
4. Matching Tattoos: Nothing says 'love' like matching Tatts. Make sure to buy the removal insurance. It will be worth the $50.00 to know you can have the tattoos painfully removed after the inevitable break-up. Again LOSER.
5. Dinner @ Hooter's: Or dinner at Ruby Tuesday's, TGIF, Red Lobster, K&W Cafeteria. Try not to be a cheap-ass. Make reservations somewhere NICE. Meaning spend some real $$ on your Valentine for once.
Happy VD Day!