I often get asked a lot of question by my readers about what is actually going through in their ex-boyfriends' minds and why their ex-boyfriend is behaving in a certain way. Understanding the male mind post-breakup is also an important aspect if you are trying to get back with your ex. So, I have come up with a list of the most common behaviors help me gain an in-depth insight into the male behavior after a relationship ends.
Generally, the dumper's behaviour is governed by guilt and the dumpee's by rejection. While this is true in the majority of the breakup cases, there are always exceptions to this rule.
Assuming the two of you are still on talking terms or you might see each other occasionally, there may be some behaviour that confuses you.
What you need to understand is that what an ex may say, and what they actually mean are entirely two different things.
Ex Boyfriend Says He Wants To Stay Friends
The 'Stay As Friends 'line is pure evil when you really just want them back. It is very rare for exes to remain friends. It can happen certainly, but not often and especially not when an ex is seeing someone else.
This is another one of those canned lines whose purpose is to help you transition easier into the break up. An ex-boyfriend who tells you that he wants to be friends wants to maintain the image that they will still be a regular in your life and that you'll still meet up and chat and do stuff together.
Don't fall into the trap. That's just the illusion they want to give and it works to some degree. You will soon find out, usually a few days after the break up, the true meaning of friends is don't want to talk or see you for 6 or 12 months at a time?
So, what should you do?
Let your ex know firmly that you can not be friends with them. Not allowing yourself to be friends is a gentler way of saying you are pulling all contact from them?
Once you present the idea of cutting off all contact (remember it's just an idea, not something you're going to do). This will often trigger levels of uncertainty on your ex's part and this uncertainty will make them want to chase you? This is what you want.
People want what they can't have, and your ex isn't immune to this rule either. If you make them believe, they can't have you in any way shape or form, that's when the table will turn. If the only way your ex-boyfriend will maintain contact with you is if you agree to be friends, then okay, agree to be friends. It is better to be in contact than not.
Ex-Boyfriend Jumps Into A New Relationship Right After Breakup
A guy does this probably because he doesn't want to be alone and he doesn't want to "deal with himself." Regardless of how the breakup happened and what caused the breakup and who initiated the breakup, both parties will certainly feel hurt and lonely, even if they are not showing it on the outside.
Jumping into a relationship with another girl can help take his mind off the pain and he can also maintain his dose of external female validation and self-esteem.
How do you tell whether your ex is in a rebound relationship? You need to look at two things: how soon your ex boyfriend finds someone new and how long you have been with your ex.
If your ex got together with someone new very soon after the breakup, chances are that it is just a rebound relationship. If you and your ex are together for a long time and you two had a lot of good times together, it is not going to be easy for him to forget you and move on so quickly. So, it is very likely that what he has is just a rebound relationship.
And good news is that rebound relationships almost always end. Why is that? Firstly, your ex could just be using her to distract himself and ease the pain from the breakup. Secondly, your ex is in no way in the right emotional state to get into a serious relationship. Thirdly, the new girl might figure out sooner or later that she is just a rebound and end the relationship with your ex.
So, what should you do?
A very common mistake that women make when they find out their ex is with someone new after breakup is that they immediately go and confront their ex boyfriend and scream at them. I can understand you probably feel angry and betrayed. But, when you cool down and think about it, your ex is no longer in a relationship with you any more, so he is not cheating on you and he has the right to be with anyone.
You should try your best not to appear jealous, especially in front of your ex boyfriend. Also, it is a very bad idea to stalk the new girl and talk bad about her to your ex boyfriend. This is not going to get him to leave her for you. On the contrary, it will only make your ex think you are a petty and jealous person and he was right about the breakup.
Your Ex-boyfriend Tells You That He Misses YouIt doesn't just have to be that they miss you. They might be saying anything that implies they still have feelings for you or thinks of you some time after the break up.
This usually implies:
- They miss certain things about you, but not enough to want to get back..
- They want to see your reaction in case they change their mind about the breakup.
- They didn't do enough break up preparation and aren't enjoying the single life as much as they thought they would
This typically happens when their new relationship fails to pan out or they're experiencing sudden bouts of loneliness.
So, what do you do?
Your ex wants to get the instant gratification of feeling loved and cared for. Unfortunately, after they get what they want, they'll be gone from your life again.
Knowing that your ex is only trying to receive temporarily comfort from you, you must train them to not take you for granted.
Don't give them what they want, give them what they need. For example, if they're telling you they're alone on a Friday night and they're missing you, instead of falling for that line and running over there to keep them company. Tell them to go out with friends, talk to their siblings or watch a movie. Come up with an alternative solution for them.
This will put them off at first, but it will further enforce the notion that:
- They can't have you
- You're a strong individual who knows where to draw the line
- You want and deserve MORE
This will cause your ex to:
- Value the time they do spend with you
- Respect you more as a person
- Realize that you still care but have more willpower than they Showing that you have more control over your actions than they means you have the upper-hand in the relationship.
Overly Happy Ex-boyfriend Post-breakup
It would take a very immature and cold-hearted person to act extremely happy and relieved about breaking up to your face? Personally though, there's something else going on if this is your case.
Acting unusually happy about a break up signifies that if they're trying to over-justify their decision to break up, it means they're really not sure whether they wanted it or not. Often they might really regret the decision if they are acting this way but are in a sense in denial about it.
This could also be a way of testing you to see if you will ask them back.
So, what do you do?
Ignore their behaviour and keep a solid distance until they can show you they've grown up before continuing any sort of communication with them.
The Hot & Cold Ex-Boyfriend
This is an ex who wants you one minute and then hates you the next. One day they might call up, telling you they miss you. The next day, they'll completely ignore you and you won't know what you did wrong. This sort of erratic behaviour is actually quite common post break up.
If their on and offs happen close together in a short amount of time, this means they're confused about what they want. They are pulled in two directions. Wanting you and not wanting you at the same time.
So, what do you do?
You need to make yourself acceptably hard to get in touch with. Go out more. Take a class. Don't answer the phone immediately when they call. Let the voicemail pick up and always get back to them later. The point is to do it subtly, and not seem like you're deliberately avoiding them.
This will once again pigeon-hole them into the position of someone chasing you? Clever huh?
Putting some distance between when they want to talk and when you talk to them will allow them time to think about their actions. The more they think of you, the better you'll set the stage for reunion.
The Best Friend ExThe best friend ex is great to have if you don't have feelings for them. Unfortunately if you do, this makes things VERY difficult for you. In essence best friend exes really DO care a great deal about you and don't want to see your relationship die.
So, what do you do?
The best way to deal with this is to maintain minimal contact but let them know why you're doing it.
When you DO talk with your ex, avoiding bringing up the past relationship or any feelings you still have for him or her.
Always remember that Your REACTION to the break up does play a large part in your ex's consequent opinion and feelings towards you. This is why I've laid down some common behaviours you might be experiencing from an ex.