No, no, it was a political metaphor not that messy sex business which, thank the Lord, I have finally left behind me and actually, now I think on it, the memories are so much better than the reality, a thought with which the 'Memsahib' would probably agree! Now where was I . . . ?
Ah yes, politics. It is not easy to feel sorry for Ed 'Milipede' as he sinks slowly in the mud like those prats who spend fortunes to go to Glastonbury every year. His act of sibling treachery when he ran against his brother for leadership of the Labour party was so monstrous that, like a Greek tragedy, it is only right, fitting and proper that he now dies a slow, agonising, political death. And there are plenty of people surrounding him eager to plunge in a dagger or three!
As I reported yesterday, the man in charge of reviewing and modernising Labour's policies was secretly taped saying, in effect, our leader is emptier than a vacuum, even worse, the people with whom he surrounds himself are incapable of thinking further ahead than the 24-hour news cycle. The fact that these words were spoken privately and not intended for publication adds to their veracity.
But today, Mr. Dan Hodges, a former Labour party apparatchik who now writes for The Telegraph and today confirms every Labour party supporter's worst fears with a coruscating attack on 'Milipede'. All this occurs just as that nasty little political thug, Ed Balls, lifts the covers off his new economic policy - do stop giggling! - which the media will ignore in favour of the dirty Labour sheets now fluttering in the breeze. So, somehow, in some way, John Cruddas, the man whose speech was taped; Ed Balls, whose detestation of Ed 'Milipede' is only exceeded by 'Milipede's' detestation of him; and the less-than-glorious leader himself; must all climb into a political bed together and somehow make policy - if not love!
Dave and his Tory toffs must be enjoying a hearty guffaw inside No. 10 as they watch Labour implode. Dave really doesn't deserve the luck he's enjoying but its coming his way by the lorry load. On top of Labour's internal strife, the EU plonkers have provided him with a platform on which he can strike an almost Maggie-like pose and claim to have fought alone for British interests. The fact that the pantomime villain of the piece, 'Juncker the Drunker, is no worse than any of the other hopefuls for the top European job is neither here nor there just so long as Dave can hold his heroic pose. It keeps his increasingly anti-EU party happy as well as weakening the appeal of UKIP. The fact that 'Milipede' still cannot bring himself to promise a referendum (how long will that last?) only adds to Dave's happiness.
As Napoleon wished for his generals, so I wish for my prime minister - be lucky!