A new exercise I’m trying which involves writing 25 jokes per day, enjoy if you wish:
A modern day position as a batboy seems to be inadequate training for becoming Batman #getbacktofundamentals
Went to the Apple Store today, turns out the iPhone is not the right type of apple for apple pie #expensivepiefail
They should just serve Buffalo wings with a side of Pepto Bismol and a hand written apology to your toilet
BREAKING- Cauliflower tired of being voted most ugly flower receives makeover
BREAKING- New Doctor Who revealed. Who? Doctor Who? No seriously who?
The dog days of summer is a little racist towards cats
BREAKING- Stomach Bug linked to Mexican Farm, Gov Rick Perry asks if bug had valid green card
BREAKING- Postal Service wants to ship alcohol to emphasize shine in the ‘no matter rain or shine’ delivery philosophy
BREAKING- Congress preps for recess, GOP passes bill to bring back monkey bars, Biden stretching left leg for kickball
Went to buy a Powerball ticket today, but in line I decided not to after remembering I took statistics
Driving a moped is a good way to let others know you have a drinking problem
An accurate Magic 8 ball could really put Miss Cleo out of business
BREAKING- Moral Mondays? God says at least they are shooting for one day a week now #MoMoMo
Do you think when God said let there be light? The earth was like, ‘come on God just five more minutes, I don’t want to go to school today.’
I shaved a maze in my chest hair & dropped an ant in the middle to see if the poor bastard can figure his way out as entertainment #boredatworkmonday
Some people train for years to obtain a six-pack, I just walk to the beer store
Every time I trip and fall I just yell Parkour to keep it cool
BREAKING- Purple lobbying Crayola to get own fruit like its cousin Orange
Turns out there is nothing ‘urban’ about Urbanspoon
Vegetarians taste better with bacon- Hannibal Lecter
Donald Duck died today after signing up for Duck Wings, turns out the Chinese kitchen was not producing a Wings TV spin off starring ducks
Cloud comfort is an odd term considering I’ve never felt comfort from a cloud
You should be careful who you have sex with because your memory foam bed never forgets
Turns out food stamps are not a valid form of US Postage
Attending Mountain Moral Monday to get my ‘I care about stuff’ online dating profile pic