We google "penis news," so you don't have to. Today's best headlines:
Study reveals average penis size for men
Graphs will help doctors reassure men that the size of their penis is in the normal range. Can we get graphs of average boob, waist and thigh sizes for women so we can feel 'reassured,' too? No? We can't? Get surgery? Okay. READ MORE >>
A guy on 4Chan liveblogged getting his penis stuck in a roll of tape
I'm not posting the photos because they are painful looking, but they are available if you're a weird perv. READ MORE >>
Britons most likely to draw a penis on dirty cars, absurd study finds
As for words, 'fuck', 'cunt' and 'wanker' were the most popular profanities, while the perennial 'clean me', 'I wish my wife was this dirty' and 'Also available in white' were the most popular phrases.