‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse
Unless it’s the cat
Who’s eating the flowers
That he’ll puke on the floor
In a couple of hours
Or your daughter, who just needs
To be tucked in twice
Or three times, or four
But just once would be nice!
Or Daddy just barreling
Up from the basement
With Santa’s great haul
For the children’s amazement
And then there is you
Trying to keep it together
With ten plates of cookies
And checking the weather
And cooking the food
Wondering whether they’ll like it
Stirring some egg nog
But hoping to spike it
And wrapping the things
Wondering when it will end
And majorly question
If Santa’s your friend
You scrub and you sweep
To ensure all is well
And place all the presents
So shit just looks swell
Take a bite of the cookies
And gnaw on the carrot
Then put it back down
So that no one will hear it
Then you climb into bed
With a sigh on your face
Too tired to know
That you’ve won the race
You wake in the morning
To giggles and screams
And facial expressions
You’ve never quite seen
And they smile and wail
And say “Look at that!”
Then you nod like a dummy
And fix the placemat
And they dance and they fiddle
And laugh with delight
And have no damn idea
You were up half the night
And you could be just bitter –
You know that it’s true
Take a drink to your room
And tell everyone to screw.
But there’d be no magic
Did you not bust your rear
To pick up the XMen and
Food for reindeer
And that Snow Glow Elsa,
(She’s been asking since fall)
Or the Spider Man figure
That shoots webs at the wall
Then a calm rushes over
As the magic goes by
And you look at their smiles
And feel you could cry
And it doesn’t much matter
Now all’s said and done
That you’ve broken your ass
Just for them to have fun
And so people could eat
And drink and relax
And share a few moments
That surely won’t last
The love there just gets you
And you cannot be blue
When you realize you’re Santa,
That Santa is YOU
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