Does losing my cool, raising my voice and getting into heated arguments with the kids mean that I'm wasting and not making use of my days? Well, I hope not because I have a feeling that is something that will stay and will continue to happen, no matter how much I dread it. The kids will always find a way to push my buttons, test my boundaries and stretch my limits, and having three of them versus one of me on most days means that I will need to learn to handle it on a constant basis.
Not easy. Not easy at all.
I've been doing a lot of reflection this month because there were days when I felt like a failure and despite being nine years into this motherhood journey, I don't seem to understand how to be a good mom on some days. I said and did things which I regretted and the sense of guilt inevitably crept in. The good thing is the kids still seem to love me to the moon and back no matter what I do and the way they tend to forget and forgive is what every adult needs to learn to do.
So, as I turn another year older but not necessarily wiser, I'm hoping to be able to steer myself into the right direction and be able to find my bearings once again. Even though I might still get lost on some days, I hope I will always be able to return to the place that I wish to be in - to be a good mum, a good wife, a good daughter and a good friend.
For this year's birthday, I received these cards and paintings from the kids and hubby which really brought a smile on my face. Okay, I might have taken out the water colours and asked if anyone would like to paint something for me, but oh well, it's a way of loving myself and making me feel special, right? Haha. The big girl, as usual, had made her own card for me and in it wrote the words "You're the best Mama in the world. There is no other mom that I could wish for" which melted my heart instantly because for all the bad moments we've had, this girl adores me and I love her more than I can say too.
Oh, I also asked the girls to each design a round piece of shrinky dink and guess what I did with them? I punched holes and turned them into one-of-a-kind earrings for myself. Woohoo! Love them!
We also went to Swensen's to have a nice family meal and the hubby wanted to get me a small brownie for a simple cake-cutting ceremony but I settled on a sweet chocolate treat instead. It felt so good just to be surrounded by these people who love me unconditionally and whom I love with all my heart too.
For the first time in a long time, I also celebrated my special day with two of my jie meis and they treated me to a yummy seafood dinner in Melben. Yumz! This was followed by a rare KTV session with two friends, sans kids, and wow I don't even remember when was the last time I sang for three hours straight without the kids. What a treat!
I never thought that blogging would lead me to finding true friends - not when I am already this old - but these two fellow mums have been nothing but blessings to me in every way. We confide in each other, we celebrate each other, we meet up for our kids to play and for us to stay sane, we support each other and I'm just so, so thankful that this road led me to these like-minded mums who I treat more like sisters since a couple of years ago. If you have not, please hop over to A Million Little Echoes and Life's Tiny Miracles and show your support for May and Angie who blog from the heart and are inspiring mums I look up to.
My parents always help me to celebrate my special day year after year and this year, I suggested to take them and my in-laws out for a simple zi char dinner. BUT, my hubby suggested that we hold a gathering in the comfort of our home instead so that the more people could come, the kids could swim, the adults could chill and everyone could enjoy his perfectly cooked BBQ food. Yup, he's an expert at it and he always goes to the expense of buying live seafood from Sheng Shiong, marinating everything on his own, this time he even prepared steamboat and cooked a big pot of soup, plus he also didn't forget to get a cake too. Awww, no wonder I love this man so much. The best thing about my birthday night was that my 85-year-old grandma came over to join in the party too and we had a few rounds of drinks together! Yup, she doesn't remember who we are, says the funniest things yet holds her liquor well, and I was just so happy to see her happy that night. It was such an endearing sight when she tried to blow out the candles for me too. Awww, my popo, I love you!
I think the best thing I received for this year's birthday was the chance to make my dreams come true when I was given the opportunity to write my own column in Lianhe Zaobao. Yup, you can read my first post here. It's something that I don't take for granted but instead cherish very much because it's what I have been hoping to do since I was a kid, like a passion that has long been neglected but just been rekindled. Sure, it might just be a monthly column - which is also the most I can commit to considering how the kids keep me occupied nearly 24/7 - but I am definitely looking forward to putting my heart and soul into it and sharing heartfelt parenting experiences with all of you out there.
I guess that's all for turning thirty six for now. May this year bring me strength and knowledge, teach me to love myself and others more, allow me to inspire as I get inspired and let me make the most of every day. Thanks for all the birthdays wishes too, people!