ONE evening, she walked
out of her house with the intention of never coming back. She walked and walked
until she finally reached the outskirts of the city, gleaming with street
lights, house lights, and other lights under the darkening sky. She saw an expansive space of sand and only
sand that made up the desert. The sky above this land seemed to accommodate many
more stars as compared to the city, twinkling away as the hours of the night
gave way to dusk. As she took forward steps, she could feel the city watching
her from behind. She felt it calling her, ‘Come back you must! Come get busy in
this life I have created for you.’ But she didn’t dare look back for there was
more to unfold ahead ...
I have found myself immersed in curious scrutiny in times of
happiness and fullness
Like a lantern glowing in darkness, spreading light, but
flickering like an anxious and fearful prisoner
They say you attain happiness with close ones, lovers,
friends
While their presence is in proximity and in tune with you
But lately I ponder if happiness really is my primary
pursuit?
Because if it were, then I have come to realize it is only
temporary.
What I yearn for is contentment, for I am happy but worried.
Accepting but in disagreement, a paradox in itself
Thanking God for what I have, but praying for what there is.
***
I fear happiness and love.
For when one believes he possesses these, he thinks he has
attained fullness
He is complete.
They think I am ungrateful for all this love and
affinity around me
That I still seem unsatisfied, still complaining of what I have
not.
***
I much rather remain in pain and incompleteness. For then
you know the worth of what it is that hurts you so much. You are aware and
watchful.
But in reaching saturation, and fullness you forget what
brought you to that glorified state. Overlooking the means and blissfully
reveling in the end. I do not desire that.
***
SHE now walks through deserts
and seas, cities and towns, people and customs, routines and habits, time and
seasons, uninfluenced and detached.