Where I Watched it: Tubi
Narrated By: In no way can this be human narration.
This year, Tubi got into the audio description game. Slowly, their list of titles has been increasing, though they did manage to throw some audio description on some of their originals that wouldn’t be getting cycled out. i like to try and watch *something* on Tubi with audio description every month, and God help me, but this sounded absurd. Basically, Tubi has absorbed the mold of The Asylum, and is churning out films no one really asks for, and no one really wants.
I’m pretty sure that for you sighted folk, this visual effect monstrosity looks like baby vomit. It was probably made for the price of a used Kia. There are no recognizable actors in this, not even something fun like a Tara Reid. There are half men half sharks living on the moon, through a ridiculous plot that puts the Russians in here, and then there’s a loose connection to get people to the moon to fight the man sharks. From this title, it’s exactly what you think it is. And, it’s terrible.
It’s also terrible in a not fun way. I did recently sit through the atrocious Winnie The Pooh: Blood and honey, which has some weird car crash effect where you have to look at it as you drive by. This is something that looks interesting from a distance, but as you drive by, you realize it’s not a car accident, just a flat tire.
Sharknado didn’t take itself seriously, and had tons of over the top buffoonery to fill up the runtime with a cast of “where are they now?” Perhaps if this starred Frankie Muniz or something, we could have more fun, but sadly Agent Cody Banks didn’t want to go to the moon.
The audio description sounds awful, in so much that it is obviously AI. It is written well though, and is fairly descriptive for the project it is attached. So, when a dude gets bitten in half, you know. And that’s important for even shitty horror films, as they still revolve around the violence (and scares, but that isn’t applicable here). It is quite violent, so I wouldn’t watch with the kids, in fact I wouldn’t watch this at all. It’s not campy enough to be a cult classic.
Yet, occasionally something would happen that was mildly entertaining, and I didn’t hate the actors. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m not even sure its the worst I’ve seen in 2023. but, it is a far cry from a stamp of approval. It’s a shark fin above water.
Final Grade: D-