“I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life – and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.” - Georgia O’Keeffe, American artist
What a time to be alive eh? I don't even know how to put it in words any more. This unknown, unique feeling. It is there but I had never felt it before so I cannot describe it with a single adjective. I know it is not fear, it is not regret and it is not anxiety. It is all of it and nothing at all. Whatever this feeling is, it does seem to be something that is going to stick around for a while. It is now the new normal.
I know I said earlier that I was thriving, but I think I was overreaching there with my optimism. Now that the realist in me has merged with the optimist I know that I am not thriving. I am surviving. I am accepting this 'new normal' as the normal and not looking back or waiting for the past normal to come back. I have set two goals for myself during this period of isolation:
First is to exhaust everything in my pantry (all the flours, pasta, different spices, sugars, etc) so that in the end I can rebuilt it from scratch with minimal things and simplify my cooking and in turn my food consumption. I could throw it all out but I can't stand wastage so I find this a better alternative. It is helping me come up with new recipes and innovative ways to cook from what I have without adding any new ingredient to the pantry.
Second, no points for guessing, is so stay active. While I do not want to obsess over my weight (because, hello? pandemic!) I do want to maintain my level of fitness, and in turn strength and endurance in the long run. What is challenging however is to find the motivation to workout at home every-fucking-day. I enjoy being outdoors, hence nature itself was motivation enough to get my ass to the park. I also love a good workout-class and knew that as long as I get myself to one, I will give my 110% there. But ... now I have to find motivation to workout on my own and that is hard. I have decided to invest in some cute sports bras and leggings to motivate myself.
Over all I am staying sane. It has been five weeks since I have been in isolation and I am still keeping my wits about it. I do recognize my privilege in this times. I have a safe home. I (still!) have a paying job. I have work to keep me occupied and productive. I have enough food to nourish and then some. My loved ones are safe and reachable through technology. And most importantly, everyday I am somehow able to navigate through the puddle of my new (and old) emotions and feelings and find mental peace and sleep soundly. It is more than I can ask for and I have gratitude for it all.
Location - Maryland
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