I miss the good ol’ days, the ones where old boyfriends disappeared – not in the gravel pit, wrapped in a sleeping bag and held down with chains like the police suspect – but in the recesses of my mind, where I was free to remember them as I liked. There they were, in my head, young and beautiful and at the whim of memory…
And now we have Facebook, which has brought the ability to “see” your old friends again to your computer screen.
Remember that gorgeous guy that sat in front of you in History? Stole your answers as you passed your papers forward? He’s on Facebook now and fervently and abrasively believes that The End is Near.
He has a list of the people that are going to hell.
He alludes to the fact that your name might be on it.
Me, I’d rather have remembered him as the cute guy passing History at my expense.
It’s a whole new world, isn’t it, on Facebook? There are names that ring a bell – and faces that don’t. People with names like “Sue Johnson” and “Mark Peterson” “friend” you, and you struggle to remember how many Sue Johnsons and Mark Petersons you’ve known in your life.
There are carelessly phrased sentences that start fights with people unaccustomed to the leeway one must afford casually written communications. There are people posting pictures of you that prompt questions like “When are you due?” There are people TYPING ALL IN CAPS unaware that they are shouting…
And have you “un-friended” yet? I have. May I make a recommendation? Just “hide” them. Pretend they’re not there. Save yourself the drama of the “unfriending”.
Don’t get me wrong. A lot of FB is just good fun – sharing pictures, chatting online, marveling over how far we’ve come. But when the guy I went to prom with wants to meet and talk about how the President is not even a U.S. citizen…
Frankly, I liked him better when he was trying to feel me up.
Wait. Does Facebook have an app for that?