The jilted wife (so much for that pseudonym when your face is presented.)
Huffington Post: Sara Rutledge thought she was in love with her boyfriend, so they decided to marry. The financial benefits they’d receive from the American military — his employer — were just the icing on the cake. But when Sara found out within one day of their nuptials that her husband had been having an affair, she was forced to make the choice between staying with him — and financial security — or leaving him, and facing the military’s punishment for philandering — a pay cut.
Rutledge joined HuffPost Live on Thursday (using a pseudonym) to tell her story.
Having a significant other serving in the military requires a level of selflessness. One has to be prepared to travel often, and, if necessary, leave loved ones and a home behind. In turn, the military offers incentives, like larger housing allowances, to married couples in an effort to make the sacrifices worth it, according to Sara.
“A lot of people in the military do get married because of the financial benefits,” she told host Nancy Redd. “It just makes sense. If they were thinking of getting married, they’re just like, ‘Why don’t we go ahead and do it?’ because you can almost double your paycheck. … So if you’re gonna make more and you’re already kind of in love, why not get married? I know it sounds terrible, but it’s true.”
But that wasn’t the case with Sara, who’d been dating her boyfriend for “longer than most married military couples had known each other.” (She was a week shy of her 22nd birthday when they got married.) So she was shocked when she found out “within 24 hours” of their wedding day that her husband had been cheating on her with his “battle buddy’s” wife, whom she knew well.
In spite of being “furious,” Sara felt pressured to ignore the information so as to not compromise the “financial security” of her home and her husband’s unit. “When I found out, I had this moral conundrum of: Should I even tell my husband?” she described. “These are soldiers who have been deployed together multiple times. … So in a sense not only am I risking messing up the dynamics of this unit that needs to function as one –- like an army of one when they’re deployed and when they’re together –- but I’m also risking the financial security of my house.”
She knew revealing the information would mean her “ex-husband would be risking being demoted severely,” but she felt she had no other choice. In turn, the family “did lose a significant part” of their pay check.
The pay cut would not have normally occurred, according to Sara, but was a function of her husband “fraternizing with another man’s wife,” which is considered a punishable offense.
Sarah also debated whether or not to tell the man whose wife her husband was having an affair with, knowing how it would affect both her family and his. She came to the conclusion that, as a “man who served our country,” he had a right to know, and told him online, only to get no response. But once she and her husband arrived back from their honeymoon, it was clear he had received the message.
“[He] told the superior officers and sergeants in charge, and … when my ex-husband got back, he admitted to all those, and as punishment, they cut part of his paycheck,” she said.
But the other soldier and his unfaithful wife didn’t experience the same fate. Because his wife does not work for the military, she was not subject to any disciplinary action. “This man and his wife did not receive any punishment,” Sarah said. “They are still married, actually.”
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OK, I feel bad for the jilted woman (maybe she shouldn’t have married him?), yet there are several misleading/excluded facts from this article, and a few opinions of my own:
- “She was forced to make the choice between staying with him — and financial security.” Shouldn’t feminism have solved this problem by now? Course under Obama’s economy, I can understand how one can’t make a decent living now.
- “…facing the military’s punishment for philandering — a pay cut”. This is not necessarily true – he can take an Article 15 (a reduction in rank – which would reduce pay, and possibly a fine) or go to court martial and risk getting a bad conduct discharge.
- “A lot of people in the military do get married because of the financial benefits,” What she didn’t mention is that a lot of the younger ones do get married to receive Basic Allowance Housing (BAH) allowance (so they can get out of the barracks). The housing allowance increases when you get married.
- “like larger housing allowances, to married couples in an effort to make the sacrifices worth it.” So your sacrifices are only worth +$300/month (the addition for BAH w/ dependents above regular BAH) for a married couple?
- “In turn, the family “did lose a significant part” of their pay check.” He obviously got demoted, but HIS paycheck was cut, not the “family” paycheck since they are divorced.
- “The pay cut would not have normally occurred,” Unless you are IN THE MILITARY. Everyone soldier (and one married to a soldier) knows when they sign the dotted line that there are actions for disobeying the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice).
- “This man and his wife did not receive any punishment,” The soldier did not violate the USMC, why should he be punished? I’m guessing his wife’s philandering did cause some pain for that married couple.
This article makes it sound like this jilted woman suffered financial consequences because she sacrificed for the good of her family finances and his unit, by knowingly marrying a cheater. But in the end, a divorce – whether military or not – does result in a decrease in the family paycheck since you are no longer a family.
P.S. A woman soldier is also subject to discipline for fraternizing with another woman’s husband.
DCG