Forgive me if I’m a little emotional, but I always get choked up when someone gets a do over wedding. Especially when they haven’t spent all the profits from the last one yet.
Kimye got married this weekend. Finally. And it was everything you’d expect from a one hit wonder porn star and the drunk guy who snatched Taylor Swift‘s microphone.
Her dress was not from Sears, even though I totally saw four racks of markdown Kardashian Kollection stuff in her size next to the lawn mower department last week.
The place was packed with all kinds of celebrity types in their designer clothes. Except for Beyoncé, who decided to blow off the event at the last minute.
Kim’s bro Rob Kardashian also bailed after some top secret family dramzz. He seemed pretty upset in the airport, so I won’t make any jokes about his weight right now.
Everyone that stuck around got to eat some really fancy food off a gigantic menu that somebody probably had to read to Kendall. Cuz she’s like totally the worst reader.
Even Will Smith‘s kid was there. Jaden might have a little sumthin sumthin going on with Kylie Jenner but he’s not in most of her hoochie Instagram shots, so I dunno fo’ sho.
Step Dad Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle at Valentino‘s massive French château. Dude should be getting pretty good at that by now. Practice makes perfect.
And now Kim and Kanye are married. F’realz. Maybe they’ll even go away for awhile, because I think I speak for most everyone when it comes to these Kardashian people…
Muah.