I love Christmas more than most but it is beginning to border on preposterous. Not only are we now getting presents for every Tom, Dick and Harry but we are getting them for Tom’s wife, Dick’s kids and Harry’s dog. Most of the time we are buying these presents for people we barely know and it should come as no surprise that the espresso machine you bought last minute for Mrs Tom will gather dust in the corner cabinet and the tacky magic trick set you bought for Dick junior will remain unopened. Ironically, the only one that may actually get used is the chew toy bought for Harry’s mutt, but who buys presents for dogs?
What makes matters worse is that Tom, Dick and Harry now feel obliged to buy you and your extended family gifts. Tom buys you all hideous matching jumpers that clog up your wardrobes until you send them to the charity shop in the spring clean. You feel annoyed you have spent far more on the espresso machine than Tom did on the ill-fitting novelty Christmas jumpers. Dick is struggling to pay his mortgage after the recession hit, but because you have been thoughtless enough to buy his children rubbish magic tricks out of a sense of pride he feels obliged to repay the favour. Not wanting to appear in financial hardship and desperately trying to keep up with the Joneses Dick buys you a very expensive and completely pointless fruit bowl. The ante’s been upped now and you know next year you will probably have to buy Dick junior an iPad to repay the favour even though you haven’t seen him since he was still in nappies.
Harry gives you the best present. Nothing, he forgets. Brilliant, now you will not have to buy him anything next year and you can both avoid wasting your money on rubbish. So why not this year give nothing, the gift that keeps on giving.
NB. So as to avoid total Grinchdom do send Christmas cards and still turn up to parties with the obligatory bottle of Tesco’s cheapest.