15 March 2013 : Today I changed the header on my blog so people could see I intend to fight Eric all the way and a wrote my first blog post about the start of my journey. I also joined the patient forum on beating bowel cancer. Such inspiring stories. Someone made the point they decided not to give their cancer a name because it might sound as though they were making friends with him. Eric the Invader is certainly never going to be a friend in any shape or form. I just hope that I continue to have the strength to oust him.
Getting my affairs in order is important too. Not that I have any intention of not being here in years to come but for piece of mind, I have set in motion a health and welfare lasting power of attorney. This gives my daughters the authority to be given access to my medical notes and make any medical or welfare decisions on my behalf if I am unable to do so. I already have an enduring power of attorney so they can deal with my finances should the need ever arise, which of course it won’t, but it’s good to know it’s there.
This evening probably because I am tired I am beginning to feel somewhat maudlin. I’ve been reading about chemotherapy which sounds absolutely awful but if it prolongs my life I will have to deal with it. Even though treatment gives people another 5 to 10 years, it’s still like having a death sentence over you. Of course this is crazy because we all die eventually, it’s just that most of us don’t know when that will happen. Think I’ll take myself to bed at least when I am asleep I won’t think about it.
16 March 2013: It’s 4.30 in the morning and I have woken up wanting everything to go back to normal. Only it hasn’t really been normal for some time now, it’s just that then I didn’t know I had cancer. Feeling tearful and scared. Perhaps the middle of the night is always going to make me feel like that.
I have read all the lovely comments on Facebook of support from family and friends and on my blog. People I have never met who have followed my blog for a long time have sent their love and expressed their sadness and shock at my news. Suddenly feel quite lonely though and wonder how I am going to cope with all of this living on my own. There is no immediate person to give me that all needed hug. Damn it now I am going to cry.
My next blog post is going to be about my garden, I have promised myself that.