The Bleaklisted Movies: Reservoir Dogs

About The Bleaklisted Movies

Many moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

Reservoir Dogs (1992) What happens?

A group of guys named after colours take part in a heist. It goes a bit wrong, they meet at a warehouse, listen to some great music then everyone dies.

Reason for bleaklisting?

The absence of Mr Green, Mr Black, Mr Purple, Mr Burgundy and, of course, Mr Sugared Lilac.

What should have happened?

A group of guys who name themselves after Dulux paint colours take part in the heist of a local KFC. Names such as Mr Blue Lagoon, Mr Putting Green and Mr Ivory Clouds confuse the staff and make stealing their cash that bit easier. Despite arriving in a getaway car, the robbers don't drive away from the scene of the crime. Instead, they toss their guns in the back of the car, fish out some sports bags and get changed into some very flamboyant running gear. They jog away from KFC just as the police arrive and no one is suspicious of half a dozen guys leaving the scene with three bags with those "$" signs on them you see in those silly cartoons. The thieves head down a nearby canal but things go wrong when Mr Lemon Tropics twists his ankle and exclaims, "I wish we'd never taken part in that heist at the KFC about 4 miles back that way." This conversation is overheard by a fisherman who manages to fool the thieves into believing he is the sister of Ariel, the Little Mermaid, and so they leave him alone. The thieves are eventually captured at a reservoir where Mr Coral Flair and Mr Caramel Cream are having an argument about Miami Vice. With the robbers all captured the movie ends with a shot of the famous dog from the Dulux adverts who looks very happy indeed.

Working title?

Reservoir Jogs.

Tagline?

Let's go for a run.

Who should direct?

Martin Scorsese.

Who should star?

Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, Vinnie Jones, Mickey Rourke, Mike Tyson and Andy Garcia.

Mr B compares the stories

Quentin Tarantino's breakthrough movie remains one of his best. The initially simple premise of a heist gone wrong builds on the complexity as the narrative unravels. Charlie, strangely dismissing Tarantino's movie, has kept with the heist but has given us a group of guys named after paint colours whose criminal ambitions do not extend beyond robbing a local KFC. It just seems too implausible for me and for anyone else with the capacity of thought but Charlie isn't renowned for his great ideas. The cast of comedians and tough guys is...interesting.