The Bleaklisted Movies: North By Northwest

About The Bleaklisted Movies

Many moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

North By Northwest What happens?

Some guy is mistaken for someone else, he gets chased by a crop duster, goes sightseeing at Mount Rushmore and then goes home.

Reason for bleaklisting?

Mount Rushmore doesn't have my face carved into the rock and the pilot in that crop duster is as crap at flying as those guys that chase Indiana Jones and his dad when they're looking for that Holy Snail thing.

What should have happened?

Todger O. Cookie-Crumble is a traffic warden who is mistaken for another traffic warden by the name of Serge Cancan. Cancan is being hunted by the head of the Traffic Wardens' Association, Dennis Edam. Todger is interrogated by Edam who accuses him of taking extra long breaks during his shifts. Todger escapes when Edam is distracted by a fly that has found its way into the office and takes 7 minutes to be swiped and killed by a rolled up copy of the Daily Mail. Todger goes in search of the infamous Cancan and is aided on his journey by Edam's wife, Stevie, who is angry with her husband for giving her a parking ticket when the two of them last did the grocery shopping together. Todger survives the pursuit of traffic wardens and being chased by some skateboarding kids before finding the truth about Cancan just past a pizzeria. Cancan isn't real. It's just been Stevie using an assumed name to annoy her husband who actually hates that type of dancing. Boosted by this revelation, Todger returns to the Traffic Wardens' Association and defeats Edam in a fierce contest of who can give the other a parking ticket first. With Edam carted off to prison, Todger spoils the mood by turning to Stevie and saying, "Want me to give you another ticket, sweetheart?"

Working title?

North By Northwest (then take a left at Oliver's Olive Pizzeria).

Tagline?

A 10 mile chase full of excitement, traffic wardens, pizzerias and a guy named Todger.

Who should direct?

David O. Russell

Who should star?

Tom Cruise, Willem Dafoe and Reese Witherspoon.

Mr B compares the stories

Alfred Hitchcock's North By Northwest is one of his best known thrillers with Cary Grant in great form as the man on the run. While Hitchcock's movie was full of memorable set-pieces, Charlie has set his alternative take in a small geographical area and tried to spin an intricate tale around traffic wardens. This might be quirky enough for David O. Russell to handle given some of his previous work but I'm not sure a traffic warden would be cool enough for Tom Cruise nor sinister enough for Dafoe to depict as a villain. This low octane thriller that sounds about as exciting as a knitting competition will hopefully never see the light of day.