Everyone tries to be super topical and on the ball with their Halloween costumes. Why? It’s much more entertaining to see someone hopelessly trying to catch up with the times and somehow winding up more out of touch with pop culture than when they began. My ideal Halloween costume is a dated pop culture reference from several years ago, something that will make you look super uncool. As everyone who is anyone knows, being uncool is so the new cool.
1. Lady Gaga’s meat suit. Kids love that Lady BooBoo, right?
2. Heath Ledger’s The Joker. Bonus points for every time you squeeze “Why so serious” into a conversation and then look at the other person smugly and expectantly.
3. Michael Jackson. Even though the trial for his alleged homicide is happening right now, this costume is happening two years ago.
4. Sarah Palin. Tina Fey did it first and best, but that hasn’t stopped legions of wildly uncreative people.
5. Michael Vick w/ stuffed animal dogs. Now that his career and image have had a renaissance, you’ll be the one looking like a PETA-hating pig.
6. Harry Potter. I think we’re about good with this, yeah?
7. The cast of the Jersey Shore. You had a very brief window to be a douchebag and cloak it in the guise of ironically mocking the Jersey Shore. That window has blessedly closed.
8. Anything involving Mad Men. Great show? Yes. Still on TV? Absolutely. But be careful: as network TV learned the hard way this fall season, ripping off Mad Men has its drawbacks.
9. Jack Sparrow. This costume has had a shockingly long shelf life. Almost as shockingly long as a quadrilogy of half-baked movies based on an amusement park ride.
10. Dead Bin Laden. He was killed this year, so this isn’t technically outdated. But a lot of good patriots shot their wish fulfillment-wads early and have been wearing this one for years.