In my post for last weekend's hop I wrote briefly that I had found relief and release on a long-standing issue. If you have read either of my posts How I Got Drawn In or A Minister's Son, then you will have some idea what that issue was. I expect these to be the first of five posts in this series. At the moment I don't want to give away how it all ends (though I am writing this, so you know I survived.)
The thing is, for years I felt shame and guilt for having got into a situation where I was attacked, as if somehow it was my fault. Logically I knew that it wasn't but the emotional part of my brain had not caught up with the rational part, and I still felt shame. Then suddenly I could see that it wasn't some flaw in me, but that I simply didn't have the experience or understanding to react differently at the time. It didn't happen because I was defective, but because of myriad circumstances, many of which had nothing to do with me.
During the writing of the two installments I have completed so far, I have tried very hard to tell the facts as they happened, and to record dialogue to the best of my memory - and doing this has led me to understand my younger self even more. I am very thankful for that - for the self-forgiveness, for the release and relief it brings. I will write more about this once I've finished the series, but for now I just want to add that I looked up the symptoms of PTSD, and like Jennifer Sky, I recognised myself in the years of my late teens and twenties.
I am very thankful that sharing my story is encouraging others to share theirs - mostly this has been done privately, but it doesn't matter whether we share with one person or a few thousand - if it brings the feelings out into the open and brings self-forgiveness then that is all that matters.
Last Sunday Jean Baldridge Yates left a comment on my TToT post. I had not met Jean before, but she let me know that she loved my writing and that she was a "top reviewer" on Amazon.
I contacted Jean to ask if she would like to read Drawings in Sand. She did. And she loved it.
What a thrill to have an Amazon Vine Voice review my book, and what a review! There's something so satisfying when it is so clear that a reader totally understands your aim as a writer - after all isn't that why we write? Do check out Jean's review over at her blog, Snap Out of it Jean.
I have noticed that, in many ways for me, changes occur in writing before they do in life. I think that this could be because when we write we often access a more advanced part of our consciousness, and so insights can occur that might not in everyday life. I think Drawings In Sand is one example of that, because the central theme of the book is forgiveness, including self-forgiveness. It's taken me a while, but I'm definitely getting there. And thankful for that. If you would like to read more thankful posts or to join in the hop, then click on the button below.