I was primarily talking about the Party Universe (or Universe of Parties, however you want to say it)... henceforth, to be abbreviated RTPU™ (which basically translates to, “Hey, that's you party outlaw lady... now do it up big!").
But, I’m sure that you know you can’t just take over the party world without charging the gates of Party Zion -- unless you have all of the details worked out, otherwise chaos could ensue – and nobody wants that to happen (you listening, status quo dumbo party people, with sky high prices?).
In order to properly work out the details I think you need to scope out the situation, scout the landscape, i.e. gather timely and accurate intelligence information prior to actually taking over. It should also help to know something about the people, places, or thing you intend to conquer…I mean, liberate. Sorry. Being that off and on, for years, I was asked to become a cop or asked if I was a cop (I never did figure out what it was about me that caused that to, repeatedly, happen... oh well!), I thought a long time ago, there must be a little something to it. Because maybe what was observed about me was my people observation skills. Who knows? All I know is that I do notice things about people that a lot of other people don't, and I'm semi-prophetic (not at will), so I often know stuff. All kinds of stuff. Stuff about people, places, and things that I (more often than not) keep my mouth shut about. So yeah, I'm like a Certified People/Life Observer of the Party Price Condition for sure (and if you hang on, I think I've got a plaque or something around here that says so, LOL!).
But for real though, I have noticed a few things about certain parts of my future subject population, which I have condensed into Cater-Hater’s General Laws of Ignorance Is Bliss Party Business Stupidity (also known as Cater-Hater’s Stupid Party Business List) as follows:
Two stupid party business owners who happen to think that you're going to hire them, so that they can add their service fees to your monthly budget in this tanked economy, are 100 times more stupid than one stupid person, and three stupid party business owners are 1000 times more stupid than one stupid person (for the same reason), four stupid party business owners are 10,000 times more likely to drink too many cocktails, get smashed, and dance naked in the middle of the street to "Gangham Style" (while shooting a video) for the sake of attempting to make their video go viral (to try to get it on some American party planner or caterer's reality TV show) than just one stupid person, five stupid party business owners are 1,000,000,000 times more likely to spontaneously tell Justin Beiber that they love him (when they don't) - just to get the gig, and so on.
Obviously, yes... that's an exaggeration. Yet, my point is this -- stupidity can add up pretty damn quick. If you don’t believe me, call a caterer or a party planner in your area, tell them you need to hire them to help you put together a 500 guest count, off-premise catered, tented event with the food cost totaling $15.00 dollars per person and the overall bill coming in under $15,000.00, including everything; food, beverages, rentals, floral, and so on -- and see if they don't practically hang up the phone in your face. Numbers in the form of money can make people react emotionally. But numbers are a science. They don't lie. And you're not lying either. You have no plans to hire them.
2. Stupid parties are just ... too stupid: This is a case of... you can never, ever have enough stupid. I know that you know that there is nothing more stupid than some stupid idea that somebody in business thinks is a good idea, when it's not. And in this case, of course I'm talking about stupidity in the party business. Haven't they figured it out? Don't they know that doing something as stupid as thinking that you'll hire them, when you're clearly into producing your own DIY (Do-It-Yourself) parties, won't attract you to their business? You'd think that stupid party business owners would wake up and realize "It's the economy, stupid", see that's why you're not calling them, and realize they're wasting the money that they spend trying to appeal to you with advertising because you're not paying attention. In most cases it isn't working. They don't need to waste their money trying to advertise. Example: catering companies and party planners in your local area that don't "get' it.
Analogy #1 About Stupid Parties: The bigger the stupid, the stronger the attraction.
For example, when the overall attraction of the stupid party propaganda is proportional to the aggregate size of the party thing (or place) they're trying to get you to spend your hard earned money on... that is stupid.
If you were to place a party planner's or caterer's fancy promotional booth inside of a Neiman Marcus or even a Nordstrom department store, beautiful... you've then created something akin to a luxe, high-end Disneyland party style of fantasy delight for the 1%, 2%, and even some of the 3%-er's living the Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous. As if they'd need it. They'd roll out of bed, show up either all duded out or glammed up to the max, then get to the booth -- hate everything and want to make several customized changes. And for the party business owners to get their money, they'd smile accommodatingly fake smiles and put up with the rich folks demands and haughty ways they could make happen. In fact, the attractive properties of that kind of stupid would be so strong that the stupid would be lured right out of the store and back into the party business owner's actual business location without having time to figure it out; get a good look at how many of them are charging you prices you don't like while thinking they might be able to close the deal. Keep. Thinking.
Analogy #2 About Stupid Parties: The bigger the fool; this one is simple... equals a massive size fool.
The example this time? The Myth of the Sale. There is no party service sale stupid enough to attract a real following toward that kind of thing. Not in this economy. People hear about it, take a look, check it out, and leave (turn the page, hang up, or whatever applies), without having made a business transaction with the party service provider. You'd think they'd know better. Stupid, yet again.
Analogy #3 About Stupid Parties: Stupid has legs.
Analogy # 3.1 About Stupid Parties: "Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck" syndrome.
If it seems too good to be true, it is. Because if there's a new stupid trick – trust me, they'll use it. They will. They'll pull something like; add stupid bullcrap deals that you don't want or need just to try to prove they're "with you" and on your side using words like "discount" or the word "sale", so that this stupidity will rapidly evolve into a whole new lie. This is a given, proved purely by being repeated repeatedly, and done so again, repeatedly, for what seems like; reason to be redundant for redundant sake - making attempts to get your attention; you just can't get anymore stupid than that.
Cater-Hater example: sales aren't real sales anymore. The idiots. You mean, going out of business sales have been devised by these people to keep you coming, keep the sale going, and to keep the money flowing, while actually never going out of business? Yes. So, what's that called? "New Marketing"?
This is provable and repeatable; that you just can’t get more stupid than that. For example: essentially, we're living this right now so we know that everything has changed since 911 and the Great Recession of 2007 and 2008, so much so that the old rules don’t apply anymore. Our stupid former banking system Federal Reserve Board Chairman (Alan Greenspan), Treasure Secretary (Robert Rubin) and SEC Chairman (Arthur Levitt) knew what was up... the idiots. But, in order to keep certain pockets padded (no one has ever talked about who, outside of certain hedge fund owners and Wall Street players being publicly named, who actually got paid) and to undermine the Commodity Futures Trading Commission and deflate the U.S. Housing market no doubt, stupid had to evolve into an enormous new bureaucracy with the trickle down effect, with their apparent Mission Statement being to screw us all to bloody hell.
This is just a fact. We all know that this happened. And if they didn't have anything to hide, they sure as hell wouldn't have had anything to worry about. So the truth is, most party business sales are, well, just, stupid. So, the failure of party business owners to stop lying to you does not invalidate my observations, it just means they need to tell bigger lies – and in their eyes, it's worked like a dream so far.
Do they all lie? No. But enough do (lie) to cause you to feel like you can't trust them and that you don't want to do business with them. It just means that it's time for you guys, as consumers, to get stronger by banding together, to realize that your power for what it is... power. Maybe you'll decide to begin to pay attention to them; when they start to offer smart consumers like you something substantial.
4.Stupid party business owner stupidity abhors a wide vacant space of stupidity, period:
Just a little stupidity from one party business owner can multiply (I told you they convene at conferences, trade shows and whatnot, talking emphatically, co-signing each other "being right" about what their expectations are for you, without consulting with you) until it fills every nook and cranny of an organization (sometimes referred to being like a “Murphy's Law”).
On December 31, 2012 – less than two weeks ago – Colin Cowie had a hand in producing one of the biggest New Year's Eve celebrations, ever. An expensive, big show – these were the words that pretty much summed up the Coldplay and Jay-Z concert. People weighed in and had opinions, positive and negative, about the big show that paid the artists performing more money than you'd believe (upwards of $1M), and nobody completely agreed on whether or not that made sense or it was worth it – so both sides could be considered to be "right". Yo Cater-Hater, big party cash math can be hard, The amount
amount of money spent on huge parties and weddings, and colossal special New Year's Eve events can be considered to be directly proportional to the number of wealthy tickets buyers that pay to go to the show. And of course, there's a direct correlation that works back to the party planner. However it can largely be debated, far and wide, whether or not a New Year's Eve celebration of such magnitude is/was actually worth that kind of stupid huge amount of money, or if it's stupid to not attend that kind of party. Some say, "Blame the producer/party planner". Others say, "Blame the weathy public who can afford such a thing – who bought tickets.
1st Corollary Regarding Stupid Parties: Stupid is capable of spontaneous generousity (or what we hope was largely generous and a good idea at the time): Still using New Year's Eve as an example: if an announcement would have been made that a big ole’ check was being paid to charities on behalf of Jay-Z's and Coldplay, then it would not have make sense not to host a humongous big party, paying the talent such an exorbitant amount of money. People who couldn't afford to go to the New Year's Eve could be called whiners, but the real truth is that the best way to raise a lot of money for charity is to host a big celebration of that type of nature – I mean, let's be serious here, that's about the only way to ensure raising a big amount of money on the last day of the year like that. This one I'm not cater hating on so much. Don't get me started talking about any other big budget parties where there is no charity at the helm of it's focus.
5. Stupid parties don't discriminate (i.e., Stupid is completely equal opportunity when it comes to stupid parties): Stupid doesn't care what color someone is. Stupid doesn't care if you're flat busted broke or not; spending your entire government check on party accouterments that some people affectionately think they need: booze, cigarettes, and whatever they can afford for food, stupid still loves you. Stupid doesn't care if you’re über-rich; even if you have an endless supply of money because you're the heir to the Michael Jackson owned music catalogs, trust me when I tell you that stupid really stupid adores you. Stupid loves the middle-of-the-road middle class working people (like most of us), who are having trouble making our house payments and don't have any health insurance. Yes, stupid must confess that it will make all kinds of incredible arrangements so you can buy more middle class affordable party essentials, so you see – there’s nothing better for the economy than stupid.
Stupid loves you no matter what your religious affiliation is or what political party you belong to; stupid especially loves people with small children who can't afford to host the child's annual birthday bashes but do it anyway – talk about investing in stupid party's future. Stupid loves you if you’re a single parent Mom because stupid party mentality preys on you to try to keep up with the neighbor living in a two-income home down the street who is married (although you can find some comfort knowing she's got a crappy trade-off, parties or freedom – freedom or parties, because she has the money available to host her parties, but hates her husband) thrives in a faith-based economy. Stupid could care less if you’re a member of Mensa; in fact, stupid loves smart people – need proof? One name: the comedian, Katt Williams.
6. Stupid parties love technology: (i.e., but are scared of it) for the most part, there’s no such thing as technology being featured at most parties; it's left out). Technology... and the lack of it thereof... now that's real stupid. Now I’ll just leave that thought right there.
7. Stupid parties are often disingenuous: You look up and stupid has crept in when you least expect it, through the teeny-tiniest of cracks imaginable. Sure you want to have a few parties here and there, it's natural to want to celebrate certain occasions, so of course you do. What can be more normal than a child's birthday party? From Dora the Explorer theme parties to the Incredible Hulk, theme parties are what kids want so their parents allow them. They eat cake, have clowns paint their faces and play video games. But you have to wonder, can these people really afford to have these often super themed-out, relatively elaborate parties? There's something disingenuous about having a party that you can't afford... you've been bamboozled because things aren't always as they appear. Bottom line: that's another form of a stupid party right there.
8. Stupid parties are sometimes seriously tenacious (therefore, stupid endures): You can decide not to have one; a party. You can ask your "besties" to talk you out of it. You can look at paper party supplies at party supply stores and not buy them. But stupid parties (or being "stupid" about having parties) never somehow dies. Darling, why should it? Party planners are idiots; they don’t even know what the word “Sale” means. Teach the lie that having a party is "the answer" and one of the best cure all's, that’s all stupid is saying in this instance.
9. Stupid parties are fun (because stupid really, really does love a good time): If you plan an entire party built from the onset on stupid, stupid will show up because it gets people to realistically believe in it. Although it’s just harmless party stupid, there are times when it’s follow-the-leader instructional stupid whereby nothing says good old fashion stupid fun like a party full of drunk people, dancing offbeat with their shoes off, slipping and sliding (dangerously, mind you) around a dance floor and falling on the floor. Wow... how cool is that? NOT! With this kind of "stupid", you could actually add a party accessory – like adding a barf bag per person, strategically placed at every table, for the drunkards that won't make it to the john. Don't worry about upsetting stomachs and serving delicious food. That wouldn't happen, they wouldn't notice anyway. They're too drunk.
10. Stupid parties can be profitable (also known as the "get over on people Golden Rule"): Nothing, nothing, nothing-nothing-nothing is so stupid that you can’t make a boatload of money off it. Take a tacky "pay party" where you have to pay to get into to some not-that-great party location, where the host threw things together fast for the sake of getting your money and didn't give you any real thought (pathetically serving you a Twinkie* and a potato chip). Or, a more modern example: create a party based on a false charity with completely fudged, disparaging reports, pretty stupid, right? Hey, that's not fair Cater-Hater. People wouldn't do that. Oh really? Just ask the folks who attended a party held by an older female Michigan artist who did exactly that, sometime back in the late 70s or early 80s. I was told she got people so drunk that she was able to coerce some pretty good money out of them, after feeding them a smorgasbord about as lousy as a Twinkie and a potato chip. Yeah, that party got talked about (in certain circles) for weeks and weeks. But hey, what do I know? I wasn't there. I heard about it from an artist friend that knows a lot of people. If you were at the party, holler back. Oh and I'll understand if you decide to do so, anonymously. This isn't an urban myth, there were several law suits. How embarrassing.
Okay. I'm done. That is... for now, anyway.
* – Getting a Twinkie at a party these days would be a pretty big deal, as they are like a delicacy right about now, since we can no longer buy them.
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I do this... I write to help to create to opportunities for all who choose to pursue their passion to have parties almost irregardless regard to economic constraints.
I think if we keep talking about the cost of parties (I write blog posts, you write comments), together, maybe we can break down some of the party industry's price barriers and shame some of the people who've taken your money and delivered a poor quality product right into growing a conscious and treating you right (nice thought, huh?).
Opportunities to be inspired about parties are everywhere. Yet, people looking out for your wallet are few and far between. My goal is to inspire you, causing you to question the way things are that have been the status quo for too long. When we stand together and speak up, we can be a powerful force.
Let's keep the conversation of change going. Because in the sea of everyone talking, one voice is a whisper... several voices are a scream.
Leave a comment and share your thoughts, ideas and suggestions below. Remember to be as specific as possible because what you have to say helps us all.
Always... be encouraged and encourage others too,