Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!
I would guess that it’s fun to make a zombie movie. There are a lot of them, and while plenty of them make money, I would guess that a lot of the appeal is the ability to do some gory special effects and splatter a lot of people with fake blood and viscera. It does, however, appear to be really hard to make a good zombie movie. Even with a fun premise and the allure of acres of naked flesh, you might wind up with something like Zombie Strippers!, and how is that going to look on your resumé?
We’re initially let in on some “modern history” that appears to be designed specifically to directly make fun of George W. Bush and his administration. Far be it from me to complain about someone making fun of W., but this is not done in any clever or entertaining way; it’s incredibly ham-handed and bargain basement. The jokes are of the “Bush named his daughter to the Supreme Court and she’s gonna hold a kegger!” variety.
Because of Bush’s mismanagement (and his being elected to a fourth term…go figure), the U.S. is embroiled in wars around the globe, including with Canada and Alaska. The U.S. being at war with one of its own states is exactly the level of humor we are working with here. Because they don’t have enough troops to fight all of the wars, a team of scientists have created a zombie virus that allows dead soldiers to stand back up and keep fighting. Of course, it comes with the side effect of the zombies wanting to eat human flesh (of course). It also makes men mindless but allows women zombies to keep their mental faculties more or less intact.
There is an outbreak in the lab, so a team of soldiers is sent in to clean things up. They aren’t worth differentiating, honestly. The newest guy on the team gets bitten, he bails out, and he winds up in an illegal strip club, illegal because Bush has made public nudity of any sort a crime.
The strip club is dominated by Kat (Jenna Jameson), who is at war with Jeannie (Shamron Moore) for supremacy of the strippers in the back room. Into this walks Jessy (Jennifer Holland), who has decided to start stripping to pay for her…grandmother’s colostomy. Again, that’s the humor level at play. When Jessy panics during her first routine, she leaves the stage. Kat goes out and is attacked by the bitten soldier. Soon enough, Kat has turned and retains all of her mental abilities and personality, but now has a deep hunger for human flesh. So, she goes out and strips for the crowd (who now only want zombie strippers), and ends her show by dragging off a customer and biting off his penis. Again, that’s where we are.
So, now all of the strippers have to decide whether or not to allow themselves to be zombified, since that’s the only way to make money at this club, or to stay human and ultimately get booed off the stage. This is what rises to the level of plot. The zombification is encouraged by the strippers’ handler Madame Blavatski (Carmit Levite) and club owner Ian Essko (Robert Englund, the only piece of class in this film).
Honestly, this is powerfully stupid, even for a movie that essentially billed itself as powerfully stupid. The jokes are first pass through the writers’ room quality at best, the sort of thing that gets put in as a placeholder in a movie that has an ounce or two of integrity. Since this wants to be seen as a comedy first, that’s something of a problem. However, if the horror elements worked, an audience would forgive a great deal.
Bad news on that front, too. The effects in Zombie Strippers! are terrible, amateurish, and look like someone’s first sit-down with After Effects. There are plenty of heads exploding, but all of these look like mid-range CGI for the year this was made (2008), which makes them look bargain basement today.
The last thing Zombie Strippers! might have going for it is the nudity. After all, this is a movie that takes place in a strip club. And if giant, fake boobs are your thing, this movie is here for you. After the first few scenes, though, you’re going to be looking at naked women who are supposed to be dead. So, if giant, fake boobs and necrophilia are your thing, this is still here for you.
There is a movie here that could be made that would be fun, funny, and nude-tastic in all the right ways. This isn’t it.
Why to watch Zombie Strippers!: Great concept.
Why not to watch: It’s not nearly as funny as it thinks it is.