In these last few days or weeks that I am carrying this sweet boy, I’ve been setting up our birth space in the bedroom. Reading bible verses aloud and preparing my mind for labor. Allowing myself to rest in the unknown of when he will arrive, but trusting in God’s perfect timing.
For my birthday my Mom gave me a necklace that has each of my angel babies names on it. It’s so special to me, so when I am not wearing it it’s hung in a high place so the girls can’t reach it.
This morning while getting Rhema ready for church, she pointed to the necklace and said:
” Momma, you need to wear that necklace when you’re having Sprout. That way you will know that Jude, Haddie, and Alba are there with you praying for you and my brother.”
The tears fell as I realized that hadn’t occurred to me. Feeling their presence as I birth their baby brother. One that I know they’ve met in heaven and had the privilege to get to know and bond with. They know him better than I do at this point. Why not honor them with the necklace as I give their brother the life they once had in my womb.
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A few weeks ago a dear friend told me she felt that she should make me a small sign for my birth space. She asked me to let her know a keyword or phrase that she could paint for me. For a few days I prayed for something , anything I could focus on during his labor.
The word Surrender was all I heard for days.
At first when I heard it , all the negative connotations that go with it came into my head. Surrender didn’t make me feel powerful, or ready for birth.
The more I asked Holy Spirit to help me understand this word, the more he downloaded peace and understanding to me.
A few things stood out:
Surrender all fear from Adah’s birth.
Surrender to His perfect will for my son.
Surrender to his mighty power over my body.
Surrender TO my body, that was created in HIS image.
Surrender to the contractions that will bring forth my son.
Surrender all my thoughts, movements and emotions to Him.
It’s something I have to learn over and over through each season of my life:
I CAN surrender to Him because he is good.
It seems so simple as I type it, but it’s a constant battle in my head. One that I know deep down is true.
It’s such a sweet time with Him waiting to meet our promised baby. Allowing Him to overtake my mind and fill it with His words and thoughts about our son.
” He must increase, but I must decrease.”
John 3:30