Like many, I've gotten out of the habit of making New Year's resolutions because they generally don't survive beyond the first two weeks of January. That being said, with less than 19 weeks to go until Baby Kumquat's arrival (the story of her nickname is forthcoming, btw), I find myself thinking more and more about my life, particularly the changes that her arrival will force (in a good way), as well as those that are necessary and those that I would just really like to make. Having already given up a number of vices, coping mechanisms and favorite foods (i.e. the high levels of caffeine and high fructose corn syrup I'm famous for) on her behalf, the selfish part of me wonders how much more I can really take. Pre-pregnancy, many moms would tell me how easy it was for them - how having a baby changes your entire mindset. And now that I'm experiencing it for myself, I have to wonder if they were lying or if there's just something wrong with me, because it definitely hasn't been easy.
Admittedly, now that she's wiggling around and our nursery-to-be is filling with hand-me-downs and ruffles, reality is setting in and it's easier to remind myself why it's so desperately important for me to do these things. It doesn't necessarily make it easier, but having those constant reminders as she tickles my insides makes me feel somewhat stronger than before - like maybe I really can do this. Accepting that my body is not my own for the next two years (pregnancy + breast feeding) has been immensely difficult; but (at the risk of sounding cliche), the initial resentment I felt is crumbling into complete adoration for the tiny alien now squishing my insides together - this little person that I've never met. None of this is her fault; responsibility for her and for her life lie completely with her father and myself.
So, my current mental quandary being laid bare, I've decided that, New Year or not, this is probably the ideal time to start implementing some changes in my life and my habits in preparation for the ones to come. Some will have a direct impact on my life as a parent, while others are designed simply to satisfy my own needs.
1) Take better care of myself.
Mentally and physically speaking; this includes eating better, getting some kind of physical activity, avoiding my more harmful vices, removing unnecessary stress and figuring out how to better cope with whatever stress is left. In particular, I'd like to get a grip on the anxiety issues that have been interfering in my daily life.
2) Keep a better house.
My house isn't messy or dirty, but it does tend to become increasingly cluttered throughout the week. I'd like to get a better handle on this before baby comes so the house isn't a complete mess when Saturday afternoon rolls around.
3) Devote myself to a hobby.
Part of removing negative things from my life is replacing them with positive ones. Whether this is finding a new hobby or revitalizing an old one, I've yet to decide; it will likely be blogging, and photography as an extension of that (with a fantastic new camera in tow, courtesy of The Boy for Christmas).
4) Revitalize my style.
As I get older, I've developed a deeper understanding of style versus fashion, particularly fast fashion, and a keener appreciation for the former. I've been feeling less than sartorially inspired these last few months, and I think a lot of that is from the lack of inspiring pieces in my wardrobe. I'd like to hone and develop my sense of style, and really focus on what defines my personal style, as opposed to the constant impulse shopping I've indulged in over the last few years.
5) Stay in touch.
I've always been terrible at keeping in touch with friends and family (with the exception of my mom), and I'd like to change that. Friends and family are important; cutting myself off from them only hurts me in the long run, and most of the time it's simply due to procrastination.
6) Be more adventurous.
This applies to my social life, my style, my work and pretty much everything. I'm so bored with being boring.
I'll likely add a few more items to the list as Kumquat's due date approaches, and I'm hoping that by skipping over the two week period of death, at least a few of these goals will make it to fruition. Do you have any goals or resolutions that you're determined to keep this year?