Strengthen Any Relationship with Synchronized Routines!

There is an easy to apply technique that will have a profoundly positive effect on any relationship. The technique involves synchronized routines and developing traditions. This works for any primary or close relationship be it a married couple, siblings, parent and child and so on. Family therapists and relationship counselors report that issues always present themselves in situations where there are little or no primary relationship traditions, or little or no primary relationship synchronicity. So for example let’s say a couple, Stan and Julie, work radically different shifts. Stan is just getting into bed as Julie is getting up. They might spend a couple of hours each night in bed together and they miss each other’s breakfasts, lunches and dinners completely. They see each other for a few hours every afternoon, however during this time Stan is tired and ready to relax while Julie is alert and ready for work. They are totally out-of-sync!

The Problem With This

This is an extreme example of and out-of-sync routine within a primary relationship. Here are some of the most common issues that will arise due to such a situation occurring over a period of time:

A lack of comraderie
A lack of intimacy
Feelings of loneliness despite being in a relationship
Resentment of the other
Fatigue
Irritation

Let’s use another example. Paul and Greg are a same sex couple, one of which works a steady 9 to 5 office job while the other is a freelance writer who works from home. Greg is up at 7am and sets off for work at 8am. Paul sleeps in as he does not have a set time to wake up. Eventually Paul gets out of bed around 10am, checks his emails and begins work for the day. When Greg gets home after work he’s tired and hungry. Paul however is still working and will grab something to eat later on. At 11pm it is bed time for Greg. He goes to bed alone to the sound of Paul playing a video game in the living room. Two hours later Paul slips into bed as quietly as he can, but as usual, he wakes Greg up which causes Greg a degree of consternation. Paul and Greg will suffer many of the same issues that Stan and Julie did despite their circumstance not being quite as extreme.

What Can We Do?

Synchronize

In order to fix the issues that arise due to out-of-sync living it’s important to get in sync! Using the above example we’re going to see what Paul and Greg can do to bring their routines closer together:

* Waking: After reading an article on the subject Greg decides to bite the bullet and wake up at the same time as his partner Paul. It take a little getting used to, but after a couple of weeks they rise together. They take turns making the coffee and breakfast. And when Paul leaves for work Greg sees him off at the front door with a smile, a hug and a kiss. Sometimes Greg takes a midday nap to make up for the new, early starts.

* Meals: Just as they now share breakfast time, due to their similar routines, they are both hungry for dinner at the same time as well! Sometimes Greg cooks, other times they order takeaway or visit a restaurant. They cease all work and enjoy the meal together. Sometimes they’ll watch their favorite TV show during dinner, other times they’ll simply talk about their day. After dinner Greg plays video games while Paul reads the news online.

* Bed Time: Both Greg and Paul now hop into bed at the same time. They chat for a while, and make love on occasion. Greg is still somewhat of a night owl and may read to the light of his bedside lamp for a few minutes before putting his head down next to his partner’s and going to sleep.

The Result

When a couple, regardless of orientation, synchronize their routines like this they become much, much stronger and able to weather hardships much easier. Look for examples in your own life. Can you think of strong couples who have very close routines? Or alternately examples of couples and relationships that are dysfunctional due to their out-of-sync ways? And the same goes for familial relationships. Although it may be difficult to implement in families that have gone without structure for a long time, the testimony of family therapists suggests that having meal and bed time routines greatly strengthens the family and brings peace to the situation. Of course it won’t solve all the problems, but it’s an important start. Unless you are living alone in the forest (in which case, how are you reading this?), you, like everyone else, has a primary relationship. This is your “go to” person. It may be a parent, a sibling, a friend, a co-worker or a partner. Whoever it is in your life, you will strengthen, and get more from that relationship, by bringing your routines into sync in even simple ways.

A Few Ideas

Before I finish I’ll give a few examples of ways to synchronize and build traditions that strengthen your primary relationship enabling you both to get the best out of it!

Movie Night! Pick a day of the week where you always watch a movie, or your favorite show with your primary relationship.
Wake Ups/Bed Times! Couples and families greatly benefits from waking and sleeping at the same time.
Hellos and Goodbyes! When your partner leaves for or returns from work, or when the kids leave for or return from school be present. Hugs, good wishes, smiles and eye contact reinforce the relationship and provide a sense of safety and security.
Meal Times! Eating whenever we feel like it and snacking throughout the day is not only unhealthy for our bodies, it is harmful to our relationships. Honor meal times and spend them with your partner or family.

These are just a few ways you can use routines and traditions to strengthen your close relationships. What routines do you use?

Thanks for reading, all the best

Rohan.

Rohan Healy is the author of “Greeks to Geeks: Practical Stoicism in the 21st Century”, “The 7 Things That Made Me Genuinely & Irreversibly Happy: And How They Can Do The Same For You” and Sci Fi Action/Adventure novel Gyaros: The Mice Eat Iron!

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