Nobody signs up for cancer. Nobody raises their hand and says, “Me! Me! Pick me!” But when it comes at you, you have a choice: You can let the sadness and fear swallow you whole, or you can take the lemons life has just handed you and chuck them back at that tumor ala David and Goliath.
I may or may not be working on a book. A chronicle of my journey with Goo, of how she has inspired me to have faith like a child, of the triumphant moments, and the secret tears I shed when no one is looking. We’ll see. I think it could be a great tool. Because we all know that I don’t hide behind jargon and fake emotion. I tell it like it is. And with childhood illness, we need to do just that.
Part of that story will be about finding strength in unusual places. In the compassionate nod of a stranger. In the firm handshake of a doctor that says, “I know what I’m doing, and I’m fighting for your baby.” In the big bowl of pasta that a friend brings over because they are desperate to stand with you. In the comments of people you’ve never met, telling you they’re following your story and fighting with you. In the sight of your little warrior, worshiping and praying for a friend who is also battling cancer.
In what is undoubtedly the hardest battle I have ever fought, I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
Yesterday, Goo started losing her hair. We knew it was coming soon, but I didn’t expect it until her next big round of chemo. I brushed out handfuls of brown waves, walked into the kitchen, and cried. Alone. Scared. Hating everything about this disease.
I tossed and turned for hours last night, battling waves of anxiety, praying over and over because that’s all I know how to do.
And this morning, I woke up to this post from a fellow church member:
“By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what GOD HAD PROMISED them. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire and escaped death by the edge of the sword. THEIR WEAKNESS WAS TURNED INTO STRENGTH. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight!” Hebrews 11″33 – 34. Goo has been added to my list of heroes in the faith!!!
She’s my hero, too. And now she’s got a little extra room for that helmet.