Strapped down to the operating table, oxygen mask over my mouth, waiting for the anesthesia to kick in through the IV, my mind started to wander. Probably more to distract myself from the sheer terror I was feeling, I started thinking, “What are some great songs about doctors/hospitals/surgery”? I doubt many people's minds would go this way when they are about to be sliced open. But then again, I'm not most people.
In no particular order here is my list of top 10 songs with medical titles. In fact, a majority of these don't have anything to do with ACTUAL medicine but such is the way in rock n' roll.
10. Doctor Please – Blue Cheer
Dickie Peterson's soulful plea for painkillers (hmmm...) makes you really believe he's in dire need of medication.
9. Just What the Doctor Ordered – Ted Nugent
The Motor City Madman wasn't exactly given a prescription to rock out – but it is good for what ails ya.
8. The Wound – Marillion
Not about a physical wound, but a mental one from an old relationship. The theory being, if you leave the wound alone and don't pick at it, eventually it will heal. OR WILL IT???? (cue dramatic sound effect)
7. I'm Your Witchdoctor – Motörhead (cover of John Mayall song)
All right, so some people don't consider “Witchdoctorery” a serious medical practice, but try to keep an open mind. And this cover by Motörhead features a rare lead vocal performance by guitarist Fast Eddie Clarke.
6. I don't need No Doctor – Humble Pie (cover of Ray Charles song)
How many of you WaveRiders new this was a Ray Charles song? Yeah, me neither. Steve Marriott nails the yearning vocals. “My prescription tells me that / I don't need no doctor” - who wrote the prescription then? The dry-cleaner?
5. Under the Blade – Twisted Sister
Giving props to my fellow New Yorkers. The U.S. senator's bored wives who made up the Parents Music Resource Center decided this song was about Sado-masochism, bondage and rape. “A glint of steel/ A flash of light /You know you're not going home tonight “ Do those who partake in S & M use bright lights? Or do surgeons performing delicate operations?? Front-Man Dee Snider told the senate committee the song was about guitarist Eddie “Fingers” Ojeda's throat surgery – and the fear surgery instills in people. Take it from me, being strapped down to an OR table with a breathing tube down your throat is not an experience you want to repeat if you can avoid it. And don't even get me started about the catheter.....
4. Anesthesia (Pulling teeth) – Metallica
Some people may feel they need anesthesia to tolerate a bass solo. One can only imagine what Cliff Burton would have achieved if it wasn't for the tragic bus accident. Metallica would never have done the Black album or the pantLoads that followed, and the world would be a better place.
3. Calling Doctor Love – Kiss
How many times do you think Gene Simmons used the line “Trust me baby, I'm a doctor?”
2. Doctor Doctor – UFO
When I pitched this article to Racer, he suggested this track, which of course was already on my list. There's no actual reference to anything about a doctor in this song, but Phil Mogg needs someone's help because apparently some chick is messing with his head big time.
1. Crash Course in Brain surgery – Budgie
Funny how I have a brain disorder and am a good candidate for a relatively new type of brain surgery, but no that's not what I was in for. The lyrics aren't about actual surgery – or anything really, in typical Budgie style. Great song though.
That's my list. Yours may be different. This article bought to you by Oxycodon.
--Rys