The frenetic pace of my brain has been like a pinball machine rather than grounded, fertile well-plowed spiritual soil. That hamster wheel in my head is constantly churning, getting things checked off the never-ending to-do list with a growing resistance to stop all the doing and just be.
It’s like I’ve been a mile wide and an inch deep.
My prayers have been brief – check the box and move on. And reflective reading, well, it’s lost its status in the shuffle of other priorities. Stacks of journals and books pile up on my desk, only to get shelved or recycled after several weeks upon the realization that I am just never going to get to it.
Introspective, soul-wrenching journal writing has also sorely fallen by the wayside as I instead choose to blog, which is possibly the only outlet I have lately to process my life, spiritual or otherwise. And everyone knows that no one actually reads blogs, they skim. That’s how things are done in internet life. Surface skimming, snippets and bytes. I fear that skimming is bleeding over into the rest of my life.
This short attention span is not building me into the wise, grounded leader that I envision for myself. The constant mind-chatter depletes my ability to get and stay spiritually centered. It chips away at my spiritual core, my ability to be fully present.
If you are always skimming, never slowing down for solid periods of reflection, how will you ever listen to what you’re life is telling you?
How will you be able to notice the small, simple signs around you?
How will you be able to know what that ache in your back is saying?
How will you become aware of God’s gentle nudging telling you that He’s going to do something new with your life?
So, after attending the super-awesome recharging “Fully Present Leader Summit” last weekend at Princeton’s Theological Seminary with my friends from A New Equilibrium, I have decided to commit more time towards two things that will build more depth in my life: prayer, and reading.
I am reclaiming the reflective time, rediscovering the stillpoint of my life. I will carve out greater periods of stillness in prayer. To sit down more often for a slow read with a good book.
I may not show up so much online. But I’ll be showing up for myself, which will be far better for everyone.
Thanks to Nance Davis for the image.