Star Wars: Epic Lunch Box Advertisement
Star Wars: Affectless Action Figure Delivery System
Star Wars: A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma Tucked into a Happy Meal
Star Wars: Two-Hours-Plus Dramatization of a Bumper Sticker
Star Wars: Raison d’être for Legions of Basement-Dwelling, Hygiene-Casual Man-Children
Star Wars: Cinnamon-Bun Coiffure Popularizer
Star Wars: Reckless Mark Hamill Enabler
Star Wars: Metaphorical Latter-Day Career Comb-Over for Harrison Ford
Star Wars: Pernicious Promoter of an “Alternative” Droid Lifestyle
Star Wars: Ewok-Infested Bosch Painting
Star Wars: Malignant, Inoperable Disco-Era Holdover
Star Wars: Insufferable Nostalgia-Generation Device for the Insufferable Children of Insufferable Baby Boomers
Star Wars: Cacophonous Prescription-Strength Soporific
Star Wars: Chernobyl-Grade Multiplex Pollutant
Star Wars: Periodic Herald for the Inexorable Decline of Western Civilization
Star Wars: Neither Holy Nor Roman Nor an Empire
Star Wars: Elbow-Throwing Ball Hog
Star Wars: The BFF You’re Desperately Trying to Figure Out How to Dump
Star Wars: Cinematic Five-Tiered Wedding Cake Made of Sawdust and Rat Turds
Star Wars: Vending Machine Filled Entirely with $1.25 Packs of Generic Fluorescent Orange Peanut Butter Crackers
Star Wars: Three-Day-Old Cup of Rewarmed K-Cup Decaf Forgotten in the Microwave
Star Wars: Lingering Cloud of Lysol in a Port-a-John in August
Star Wars: The Murky Liquid That Comes Out When You First Squeeze the Mustard Bottle
Star Wars: Bloated Macaroni Elbow Left in the Sink Strainer for All Eternity
Star Wars: In a Galaxy Not Far, Far Away Enough