But here’s the thing. For the first few years after the operation I thought my hearing was comparable to everyone else’s. In fact I was/am still classed as deaf. At that time it was 50 - 60 percent diminished compared to my peers (it has gradually worsened over the years to 30-40), which was a complete shock because it meant the world is a lot louder than I perceived it to be and this scared me no end.
It still makes me wonder how people can get anything done and why isn’t everyone else bleeding from their ears. Even now I can’t go outside wearing my hearing aid because the sensations of life are just way too much. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective, things being in the ear of the beholder and all.Being deaf makes me conversely more perceptible to noise because I am naturally inclined to silence. I have never identified as being a deaf person because it has never prevented me from living my life, and in some ways has enhanced it.
One day as sure as anything my hearing will revert back to its original state and the air will be still once again. There’s a lot of stuff I’m surely going to miss, music being number one, the myriad of voices in my life of family and friends, but overall I’m not that worried. Like something repeated I’ve been through it before and moreover I will still have poetry. Rhythm has always been internal in that regard, I can always count the beat with my feet, and even though I won’t be able to hear the thud, I can in my bones.
When the barbaric gawp of the world has died I still have the solace of the rhythm in my mind.
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