She's Got the Look

Well I knew I was going to lose my hair but when it started to happen I was wondering how I would handle it.  It was bizarre.  My hair started to come out in huge chunks.  If it was windy you could be sure that sections of hair would be blowing in the wind.  When I started to notice a big mess of hair on my pillow in the morning and in my car I knew it was time to do something about it.  I was going to have to get a new look.  So, I asked Mike to shave it off.  I think that must have been a very difficult thing for him to do now that I think about it.  I mean how many men have to shave off their wife’s hair?  It was really hard for me to ask him but I didn’t want anyone else to do it.

The Look - Fall 2006

This was one of the first moments that I have tucked away into my dark moments memory file.  There would be several low points along this journey and this was one of them.  I was kneeling beside the bathtub so that Mike could shave what was left of my hair off and into the tub.  That way it would be easier to clean up afterwards.  He was pretty cool about it and did everything he could to make me feel comfortable.  He said all the right things.  However, I could see the chunks of hair falling and I cried the entire time.  I tried not to but I couldn’t help it.  I did try to be as quiet and still as I could.  First we tried a brush cut but then there were these big bald patches on my head.  Mike ended up using the shortest length of the shaver and got off as much hair as he could.
When I eventually looked in the mirror it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  I would of course keep wearing make-up and bigger earrings would soon become a key accessory.  As long as I could still do whatever I could to look as good as possible then that would make me feel better.  I tried to keep in mind how beautiful Demi Moore and Nathalie Portman still looked when they had their heads shaved for movie roles.
The next day I had to go to the arena for Alex’s hockey practice.  This would be the first time I ventured out into the public domain with no hair.  I was feeling very nervous.  I don’t know why because I knew that nobody would outright laugh at me or anything but I also knew that people would stare or feel uncomfortable or not know what to say.  However, I was determined to go about my life as normally as possible.  The arena is just down the street so Tasza and I walked over together to get some fresh air.

Rock Star - Fall 2006

When we arrived at the arena I reached out to pull open the door and I just froze.  I didn’t even realize that I was doing it.  I was hesitating on going in because there were people on the other side of the door that I knew or that I didn’t really know but recognized and I was going to have to walk in with no hair.  Ok I wasn’t shiny bald yet but I did have that very short brush cut or whatever it is called.  So as I was working up the courage to go in, my smart and beautiful and wonderfully perceptive daughter (who was only eight years old at the time) put her hand on mine and looked up at me with an encouraging smile and said, “It’s okay Mommy, you look like a rock star.  We’ll go in together.”  I smiled at her sweet face and thought how lucky I was.  And how strong she was.  Then I choked back the tears, took a deep breath and decided that I could do this, with some help from my daughter.
We pulled open the door together. She's Got the Look - Roxette