I am part of the 90s brigade of children and divorce or separation was a term unheard of in those times. Granted, there were an odd set of parents here and there who were separated and were quite often an object of ridicule by other set of parents. But, times have changed and if the rise in divorce and separation rates are to be believed, India needs to focus on how to make the whole process easier when a child is involved. Shared parenting is one such concept gaining momentum in the west and waiting with open arms to be embraced by the Indian society.
What is shared parenting?
Not all divorces end bitterly. Shared parenting works superbly well when couples have mutually agreed on a separation. In such situations or otherwise, shared parenting is when the child custody is shared between both the parents and both are actively involved in raising the child. Though here we are discussing shared parenting in context of when couples no longer live together or are legally separated, the west is embracing a new concept of shared parenting where couples at the outset of a relationship decide to share all responsibility and actively participate in every task related to the child.
In our patriarchal India societies, this can prove a monumental step where women are meant to be hold key responsibilities of raising a child and men are meant to be financially responsible for the child.
If you are already in a setup where you are consciously being an active parent in raising a child, here are a few pointers to make sure that you are raising the child minus the stress for him.
Do not bad mouth the other parent
No matter how your marriage ended or in what situations you decided to part ways, speaking ill about your ex partner will result in a child who does not respect individuals. In the best interest of raising a balanced child, keep your feeling about your ex to yourself.
Commit only as much as you can do
Over committing to come out as a better parent will lead to over expectations from your child. You do not want an unhappy child at the end of the day who feels betrayed by his parents. If you cannot make it to the games practice, do not commit to be there nonetheless.
Trust your ex no matter what kind of a husband or wife they were
Though your marital life was not perfect and you consider your ex the worst wife or husband, it does not necessarily mean that they will prove to be equally bad at parenting. Give your ex a chance before judging them.
Organize and communicate better mutually
When children are involved and shared parenting is the approach taken, it helps to utilize multiple apps and technology to ensure that the meeting arrangements and any changes to plans can be intimidated before hand to avoid arguments.
Let your child feel involved
Depending on the age of the child involved ensure that you make the child feel heard and that his choices matter. If the child needs an extra day with the mom and that is off your schedule, accommodate for once. The divorce as is can be tough on the child and any reasonable demands that make the whole process easier on the child should be catered to.
Divorce in itself is quite tough on couples, but when children are involved the whole outlook of how you look at the divorce changes, and should change. Take that extra step of showing your child that even though there exist difference, you are a compassionate person and show kindness towards your ex. Genuine love and care can definitely be sensed by a child and shared parenting can help each parent enjoy custody as well as be involved in each step of their child’s life.