- “Hey Baby, I Just Got Out of Prison” Guy
- “I Just Bought a Deli, Want to Roll Out of Here?” Guy
- Making a vampire face by goofily flashing his teeth, a move to which he refers to as “The Deadly Daggers”
- Insisting “‘No’ is just a letter from ‘Yes’” (which makes absolutely no sense.)
- Hugging me while referring to me as the “Lassoed Watermelon,” which gains him no points. He only uses this during the summer months.
- Coming up behind me while I’m sitting at my desk and basically collapsing on top of me; a move he calls the “Tidal Wave of Love.”
- Several variations of “Creepy Teacher,” “Creepy Boss,” and “Creepy Co-Worker,” where he says impossibly inappropriate things.
- “My penis is Toyota. You asked for it.” (I had not)
- A menagerie of “spiders” which are actually his hand making various spider-like shapes to imply they are little characters including “Listening Spider” (very alert), “Angry Spider (looks like a spider and then flips me off),” and “Humping Spider” (fingers out like legs but the palm pushing back and forth).
But I think he finally found my weakness while playing “Creepy Office Guy.”
Mike: (purposely and obviously brushing across my boobs as he reaches) I just need to get this pen…
Amy: There’s no pen there.
Mike: I’m sorry, what’s that?
Amy: You’re just being ‘Creepy Office Guy.’
Mike: What?? Why is he creepy? He’s just trying to grab a pen!
Amy: There is no pen. And you just totally groped me.
Mike: No…stop it. Office guy is sweet. He likes you. He opens doors for you and brings you PopTarts…
Amy: No, ‘Office Guy’ is a creep who tries to… wait, what was that last bit?
Mike: He brings you PopTarts?
Amy: ….
Mike: So… can I get that pen?
Amy: Yep.