Y'all, I can't believe I have a whole 4 year old. Who let me be somebody's parent? I've actually kept an entire human being, other than myself, healthy, happy, clothed and fed for FOUR WHOLE YEARS. Mind. Boggling. Year 3 has been the toughest year so far for me personally as a parent. The pandemic and quarantine all hit a couple of months before Bash turned 3 years old, and adjusting to that new normal while simultaneously parenting AND working from home has been a huge challenge. There are still plenty of days where I struggle to be productive and meet his needs, but I try to remember to give myself grace, and let the small things go.
A couple of days ago, I was struggling with so much anxiety and feeling really down - and I thought to myself how much of a blessing its actually been to have him home with me this past year - I'm no good to him, or myself, if I'm constantly beating myself up about things that are beyond my control. I'm grateful for all of the moments I've gotten to experience with him this year that I would have most likely missed had he been in daycare during the day. I know I'll always look back on this last year that we've spent at home and cherish the moments and memories forever. I'll be glad to be able to get some uninterrupted work done this fall when he heads off to Pre-K, but damn I'll miss my baby at home with me. He's learned and grown so much this year and is so full of personality and imagination.
Sebastian is extremely head strong and stubborn - if he doesn't want to do something, he means he isn't doing it (period!), but also can be really sweet at times. I think he's truly missed being around other kids throughout the pandemic, and he lights up and gets so excited when he has play dates now or gets to interact with other kids close to his age. I smile on the inside whenever he talks about his friends, and he always wants to bring 2 toys along when its playtime - one for him and another so that the friend he's playing with will have a toy too.
My entire world has shifted so much since this little human came into my life. I'm always worried - am I doing enough? Is he safe, is he happy, will keeping him out of daycare the past year hinder him this fall when he starts Pre-K? Sometimes I lose my temper or make mistakes, and I'm learning that that's ok! One thing that I try to do is speak to him as adult-like as I can. If I'm frustrated or overwhelmed, I say that. If I've spoken out of anger or lost my temper, I apologize. I hope I'm teaching him that we'll all make mistakes along our journeys, and that it's our actions after the mistake which are truly the reflection of our character.
I pray that I'm always being the best parent that I can be to him each and every day. I will forever be grateful to be your mom, this year, and for all the years to come. Thank you for filling my life with more joy and love than I ever knew was possible.
Happy 4th birthday my sweet baby boy - I love you to the moon and back!