Growing up people used religion to make me feel bad about about myself. My narcissistic dad never failed to let me know exactly how vile I was and how holy he was. He always used prayer as a loud showcase of what a good person he was. I find myself filled with hate for the hypocrisy.
When my parents divorced the church told me it was my fault because my father loved me and I split my parents apart. They told me I was a bad daughter and I should be more loving. Love makes me sick to my stomach.Sometimes I feel so ashamed.
I don’t need the church telling me the same things my father told me. I just want to find a safe place to be myself. I just want to feel safe… I just want to be a better person. I just want to be accepted somewhere. I have found myself running in all the wrong directions searching for this feeling. A feeling which much be found within myself. A place I find of much disconnect.
God help me forgive these people
forgive me for the way I have been living
help me feel safe again inside myself and find safe places to be accepted
I can not do this alone anymore
You are not alone, stay strong
xoxo