Lion of the Judasphere writes:
Hahaha, based on this description, I think I might be schizoid! But the thing with most personality disorder descriptions is that they’re Rorschach tests or astrological readings: you can project whatever onto to them and trick yourself into thinking you have the same condition.
I think I’ve displayed schizoid traits all of my life: I’ve never had any friends outside of the Internet, and all of my personal time is split between reading HBD blogs and science fiction, and dabbling in music. I have a pretty rich fantasy life that even my closest family members aren’t really aware of. I’ve always done well in school, although I was bullied for being a loner and kind of weird. Fortunately, since I’m black and did well on standardized tests, I was always able to secure scholarships and grants to go to school even though my resume isn’t really that impressive other than my grades (and I stopped even giving a shit about my grades my senior year of college, and ended up with a bunch of Cs). On the one hand, I feel totally apathetic towards the things most people care about; on the other, I want to change and meet people who aren’t on the Internet. My only girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago because she said I was “boring”. I feel too anxious to pick up girls even though I read Chateau Heartiste all the time (and yes, I know his writings are mostly bullshit).
Is that schizoid? I desire intimacy, which I know isn’t normal for schizoids, but I have little motivation for anything beyond completing school-related work. My apathy turns away people. I have no close friends whatsoever.
My responses follow:
I desire intimacy, which I know isn’t normal for schizoids, but I have little motivation for anything beyond completing school-related work. My apathy turns away people. I have no close friends whatsoever.
Schizoids do not desire intimacy. Maybe you are an Avoidant. But Avoidants do not usually appear apathetic. They probably appear more anxious or even anxious-hostile.
I am not sure if I am apathetic. But girlfriends often say, “You seem like you don’t care.” But that translates into, “You’re an old hardass.” No one ever tells me I am apathetic. More like I don’t care as in I lack empathy or don’t care about others. The vibe seems to be “bastard who doesn’t give a damn about other people.
It’s always women who say that.
I feel too anxious to pick up girls even though I read Chateau Heartiste all the time (and yes, I know his writings are mostly bullshit).
A schizoid would not feel too anxious to pick up women. An Avoidant would. They truly sad thing about human beings is that a lot of those horrible things Roissy is saying are actually true.
On the one hand, I feel totally apathetic towards the things most people care about; on the other, I want to change and meet people who aren’t on the Internet.
A schizoid would not want to meet new people in meatspace. Schizoids do seem apathetic though, or as if they don’t care. You can praise them or criticize them, and they don’t seem to respond in any way.
I have a pretty rich fantasy life that even my closest family members aren’t really aware of.
Schizoids have a rich fantasy life, but Avoidants can too. Fantasy is basically a defense. Hell, I have a rich fantasy life myself!
I think I’ve displayed schizoid traits all of my life: I’ve never had any friends outside of the Internet, and all of my personal time is split between reading HBD blogs and science fiction, and dabbling in music.
Yes but you are not perfectly happy this way, right? Are you lonely?
You can project whatever onto to them and trick yourself into thinking you have the same condition.
Self-diagnosis is no good.
I would point out that it is often hard to tell Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) from Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD). For a long time, they were considered to be one and the same. Then DSM-3 came along and Avoidant was split off of SPD. Prior to 1980, all Avoidants had been lumped into SPD. Some say that APD is simply SPD with neuroticism. Some differences:
Avoidants want intimacy. Schizoids don’t.
Avoidants have a lot of anxiety going on. Schizoids don’t.
Avoidants don’t break down under stress. Schizoids can, and they can even go psychotic.
Avoidants don’t have schizophrenic relatives, Schizoids do.
When depressed, Avoidants feel deeply down and dejected. Schizoids do not; instead they just feel nothing or they feel even more empty than they usually do.
Avoidants often care deeply about other people and are high in empathy. Schizoids do not really care about others too much. They are not hostile to others; it is more that the problems of others are not interesting to them.
Avoidants feel a lot of anxiety in social situations. Schizoids don’t, but after a while, they might just want to leave.
Avoidants think the world is a cruel and mean place; in fact, if I could sum up the worldview of the Avoidant, it would be, “People are mean.” Schizoids do not see the world as mean; they simply have no interest in it.
Avoidants are hypersensitive to rejection. My therapist once told me had had seven Avoidants, and the same thing happened with all of them. He said with all of them, he criticized them, and they got this very hurt look on their faces and got up and walked right out of the room and never came back. He told me I was not Avoidant because he had criticized me and I didn’t walk out. Schizoids seem to be immune to either praise or criticism. If you criticize a Schizoid, they will often act like you didn’t say anything at all.
Avoidants have a lot of emotionality going on, often sort of an anxiety and fearfulness with some hostility mixed in. Schizoids often seem to have no feelings at all.
Avoidants can experience pleasure and happiness. They can even laugh at jokes. Schizoids are notorious for their anhedonia. They simply cannot experience much pleasure at all.
Lion is at a university. He can easily go to the counseling center and say he wants to talk to someone. Usually you get to talk to an actual clinical psychologist, and they are the best of all of the clinicians. In 1991, I was in very bad shape mentally (I thought I was going psychotic) and I got into therapy. I also said, “Hey look. Take out that DSM book and give me every diagnosis that I have in there. I can handle it. If I have it, I have it. Then I will decide if I want to deal with it or not.”
So he gave me a dx of
Axis 1: OCD, with some symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder, but not enough for a full diagnosis.
Axis 2: Nothing, thank God. Though recently I got a dx of narcissistic traits, but not nearly bad enough to be Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Assuming that I have them, I like these narcissistic traits very much and I have no desire to get rid of them. I don’t want to “get better.”
I would recommend that Lion go in and do the same thing. Just present for therapy and say, “Look I think there is something wrong with me but I do not know what it is. Take out that DSM book and give me anything in there you feel I qualify for on either Axis 1 or Axis 2. Give me a formal, legal DSM diagnosis.”
Then once you get that, assuming you have a DSM disorder, you can decide what you want to do about it, if anything.
I really think most people ought to do this, in particular if you feel like there is something wrong with you but you don’t know what. There’s never been a better time to have a mental disorder. These things are more treatable as they have ever been, and every year, it gets better.