Wow is this painfully unwatchable worse than the Santa Clause 4: Revenge of Jack Frost with the Santa puppies and a cameo from Santa Baby herself Jenny the Fear monger.
As the plot goes, or at least as how it is explained online: Santa’s sleigh gets stuck in Florida.
Now this was probably because of their archaic beer laws, which I imagine were even worse in the 1970′s. Anyway, he had to switch from Ales to God knows what to make it through the what I am assuming was day light test run. This is only days before Christmas Eve, and its broad daylight. What the hell is he thinking? Also, did I mention this is an hour and a half movie?
As he is stuck and no one can get him out, the kids try all their pets dogs, sheep, kinky Kelly,, hell even the Skunk Ape shows up. but nothing works, he is stuck tight. They offer to buy in a plane ticket but he wants none of that.
The Kids are obviously pissed as Santa just fucked up Christmas for them. He tries to get back in their good graces by telling the group the story of Thumbelina? Wait what? Of all the stories to tell, Thumbelina with it’s almost inter-species erotica? He sings a bit also.
Picture and sound quality are right on par with what you would expect from such a movie. Though the Thumelina parts do sound better. So that bit ends and Santa is passed out in his sleigh and who comes to rescue him? The Ice Cream Bunny, in an antique fire engine of course! See you had to work him into the story some place. I mean I guess you could have skipped him and left the title as is.
You can even see the crews feet as they get the engine rolling down the hill before they hopped on the back.
The ending gives us some deep dialog as:
“What is that? What is that I hear? Where’s it coming from? I hear a siren, but I don’t see any fire, I don’t see any smoke. Whenever there’s a siren, it means there’s a fire, but I don’t see any smoke. That siren. Where is it coming from? Where’s that sound coming from?”
So if we are stuck on a beach somewhere in Florida I say start off with at least a sixer of Cigar City’s Florida Cracker Wit. They will go down fast and are would make sense if you are baking away on the beach only days before Christmas.
They will take the edge off.. After that go right for the heavy stuff – Port Brewing’s: Santa’s Little Helper (barrel aged) with any look you will pass out for the rest of the movie.
And remember it could be worse: